


your power in my veins

by dare121



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Astra Redemption Arc, F/F, Lord Industries Conspiracy, Transferral of Powers, if you know your smallville you will probably see some of this coming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:44:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5808547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dare121/pseuds/dare121
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Astra and Non are up to no good. As always, it is up to Kara to stop them. Only, something goes wrong along the way and a high voltage of electricity running through both Kara and Alex cause some side effects neither woman are prepared for. Will this be Livewire all over again? Or will this be something else?</p>
<p>Only time will tell.</p>
<p>Or, the one where Alex gets powers, Kara and Alex kick ass together, and J'onn is just trying to keep everyone alive.</p>
<p><b>Update:</b> After a year-long hiatus, this story will finally be finished!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. nothing makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is a thing that i thought of while watching 1x04 (Livewire) and writing "nothing but trouble"
> 
> this is only one take on the "Alex gets powers"-trope. Which, really, could go a million different ways. I am already planning a different fanfic with a similar premise but very different results (hopefully), and if anyone else would be willing to write one as well, I would most definitely not complain *wink wink nudge nudge*
> 
> Special thanks to my beta @killingmesoftlywiththesesongs who has been squealing with me over supergirl fanfiction, which just makes this whole experience so much better!

“Kiera!”

 

Kara’s head snapped up from where she had been typing frantically, while simultaneously trying not to wonder when the next catastrophe was going to hit National City. But it sounded like her boss had suddenly decided to have a catastrophe all on her own.

 

“Coming, Ms. Grant!”

 

Hitting send on the e-mail she’d been working on, Kara jumped to her feet and quickly made her way into her boss’s office. It was tastefully decorated and lined on all sides with glass. Ms. Grant liked to be able to observe everyone who worked around her while she was inside.

 

In part, presumably as a sort of stylish panopticon.

 

It held a certain genius.

 

“What do you need, Ms. Grant?” Quickly fixing her glasses, Kara pulled out her trusty notepad and pencil.

 

“What I need is for you to dress better, Kiera. I can’t have you running around my office in those rags you call clothes.” Kara swallowed thickly. Ever since Lois Lane had beaten out Cat at the _Szasz Journalist of the Year Award_ , she’d been even meaner than usual. “Also, I need you to book me a limousine for next Thursday evening. Maxwell Lord is hosting a party at his newest lab and I have been invited, as I should have been.”

 

“Yes, Ms. Grant. At what time do you need the limousine to pick you up?”

 

“Have it pick me up at seven.”

 

Today, Ms. Grant was busy polishing her four pairs of glasses again, which never bode anything well for Kara. Days like these usually only served to rile Ms. Grant up higher and higher until her carefully tailored top exploded. Still, even in mid-explosion, the woman somehow always managed to keep her perfect posture. Kara envied that about her.

 

“And where do you want the driver to come pick you up? Here or at your home? Do you need me to call your babysitter?” Kara asked quickly, her Cat-reflexes honed through hours upon hours of hard-learned mistakes.

 

For a change, Kara had hoped desperately for a slow day. She’d been looking forward to spending some quality time with Alex in her own apartment, but if Ms. Grant’s mood was anything to go by, it was much more likely that Kara would be working well into the night. She was half-hoping for a job Supergirl wouldn’t be able to refuse, if that didn’t generally entail someone else’s suffering being the cause.

 

Kara was pulled out of her musings by Cat’s reply.

 

“Schedule my stylist to come to my office two hours before I’m set to leave and tell her to bring her new spring collection. I am in desperate need of something new. As for the babysitter, Carter will be with his father for the evening.”

 

Then, with a shooing motion, Kara was dismissed.

 

It was most likely for the best to not spend any more time than necessary in her boss’s office today.

 

Kara watched out of the corner of her eye as Cat set two of her glasses onto her nose and began typing frantically, her curls bouncing up and down with the force of it.

 

“She’s intense today,” Winn mumbled as he slid his chair over to where Kara was standing and silently watched Cat work. He was wearing an outfit much like hers today. A flannel shirt covered with a cardigan. Sometimes Kara wondered if anyone ever mistook them for twins.

 

“That whole thing with Lois Lane has her rattled. I’m sure she’ll be fine soon.”

 

Smoothing down her maroon-colored pants, Kara planted herself back in her seat and started working on arranging the limo for Maxwell Lord’s party. It irked Kara that Cat associated with him, though she recognized that her boss needed to maintain a certain image in the public eye. Which, of course, required her to consort with the likes of _him_.

 

If it wasn’t enough that he had a personal vendetta against Supergirl and took any chance he had to slam her in the media, his obvious interest in Alex would have immediately put him on the hate-list in Kara’s mind.

 

The way he pranced around her sister and puffed out his chest for her made her so angry, sometimes it took everything she had not to go out and sock him for his disgusting behavior.

 

It wasn’t even that Kara was jealous of him. Not much, anyway. She knew Alex found him just as despicable as she did, but the way she _humored_ him was enough to get Kara riled up. On a purely logical level, Kara understood that Alex was doing her job for the D.E.O. when she went out with Lord and listened to him cry about his dead parents. But that didn’t mean it made her any less furious.

 

Not that she had any right to be angry about anything Alex did in her free-time _or_ during her work hours.

 

They hadn’t ever talked about the tension that had built up between them over the years. Kara knew it was there and she knew Alex did as well, even if neither of them had ever acknowledged it.

 

In fact, Kara had developed a theory on the matter.

 

Alex and her had always been closer than regular sisters. While Kara hadn’t had any siblings on Krypton – her parents had only ever wanted one child – Kara had observed enough sibling relationships both on Krypton and on Earth to ascertain this fact.

 

There had been feelings between them for a long time, but a few years ago Alex had distanced herself for seemingly no reason at all. Now she knew that the timing of this vanishing act coincided with Alex being hired at the D.E.O.

 

Kara theorized that Alex had felt guilty for lying to her and had pulled away from her to keep from having to deceive Kara even more.

 

There was no doubt in Kara’s mind that they would have moved into a more romantic category if the D.E.O. assignment had never come up for Alex.

 

Alas, it was too late to cry about something that simply wasn’t meant to happen. Still, it didn’t make the realization of what could have been hurt any less.

 

Alex’s ringtone pulled Kara out of her thoughts.

 

“Hey, what’s up? Ms. Grant is really riding my butt and I need something else to do, _please_ ,” she spoke quickly and quietly into the receiver of her smartphone.

 

“We need you at the train station right now. Some of our Fort Rozz friends are causing trouble and we could really use the back-up.” Alex’s voice sounded hurried on the phone, so Kara didn’t waste much time.

 

“I’ll be right there!”

 

Hanging up on her sister, Kara gave Winn a pointed look. He nodded, shooing her away with a grin. She was gone before he’d finished his motion.

 

-

 

Safe for some abandoned cars and bags, the train station was deserted when Kara touched down in her Supergirl outfit. As was the norm, the D.E.O. had worked quickly and efficiently in ensuring civilians’ safety and ignorance.

 

A crowd of people was amassed outside – probably those who had just been evacuated – and Kara didn’t have to super speed through the building to find the individuals she was looking for. Alex and her crew were standing just inside the foyer, their guns ready to attack.

 

“Alex! What’s going on? I thought you said this was urgent?” Kara walked briskly over to her sister and J’onn who were deeply in conversation. Alex’s eyes flicked to Kara in a lightning quick once-over, the way she always looked at Kara. With a mix of worry, admiration and love. Worry for Kara’s safety, admiration for her sister’s power and love for everything else.

 

It made Kara ache inside.

 

“Your aunt and uncle sent in one of their lackeys. It’s not susceptible to our bullets or our kryptonite guns. It’s somewhere in the building. We don’t know what it wants or why it’s here. We were hoping you might be able to figure it out, since it’s more likely that it will talk to you than to us.”

 

Excluding Alex and J’onn, there were about five D.E.O. agents present.

 

Kara took a few steps away from them as she surveilled the area with her x-ray vision. She was startled when she noticed lead lining some of the walls.

 

“Have there been any renovations here lately? I don’t remember there being this much lead in here,” she said slowly as she continued looking around. The lead wasn’t just spaced around sporadically. It seemed to encompass entire areas of the train station that were now impervious to Kara’s eyes.

 

“The city implemented greater safety measures after the bombing involved with Lord’s new train,” Alex answered readily as she stepped closer to Kara.

 

“Can you think of a reason to use this much lead that doesn’t involve Kryptonians?” Relaxing the muscles in her eyes, Kara turned them back to her sister and her agents. “Do you happen to know by any chance if Lord Industries was involved in the construction?”

 

Kara noticed J’onn’s scowl over Alex’s shoulder.

 

“He was the one who paid for all of this.” Hank’s voice was grim. “Said he was feeling responsible for the man’s death and the damage done to the city, wanted to help the citizens of National City feel safe again.”

 

“What a load of bull that was,” Alex grumbled angrily and turned her face away from the others. Thinking about Lord always reminded her of the dinners she’d had to endure with him. Back when she’d thought he was actually a decent human being and not a maniac having it out for her sister.

 

She still beat herself up sometimes about mentioning her dad’s death to him.

 

“Well, now we know that Lord doesn’t want to make it easy for me the next time something terrible happens here. What else is new?” Kara affected her usual superhero pose. “Nothing to be done about it now. I guess I’ll just have to find this person the old-fashioned way.”

 

“We’ll be right behind you, Supergirl.” J’onn’s reassuring, steady voice never failed to calm Kara down.

 

“What kind of prisoner am I going to be dealing with, by the way? Do you know?” She wanted to be as informed as possible before she hurled herself into the situation head-first. She didn’t want to come up empty-handed if she could help it.

 

“From visual confirmation only, it seems we are dealing with an Icoid. When we got here, it had already drawn its weapon but hadn’t fired on anyone,” Alex explained. “It was weird. It didn’t even try to engage us, it just ran.”

 

Joining in on their conversation again, J’onn nodded gravely at the stairs just to the right of them.

 

“It fled up those stairs. You need to be careful with it, Supergirl. It’s carrying an atomic gun, a similar design to the weapons used by Reactron, only more advanced. Don’t let it get too close.”

 

“I understand. I’ll radio in if I need any help. I’ll try to chase it out here so you guys can bag it and tag it.” Kara didn’t feel uncertain about what she was about to do. Fighting Reactron had been hard, but Kara had learned from their encounters.

 

In a fight against atomic or radioactive weapons it was important to put her faith on her speed and her strength.

 

If the enemy couldn’t shoot her, they couldn’t hurt her.

 

“Be careful, Kara. We’re right here.” Alex’s hand slipped briefly and reassuringly against Kara’s bicep, squeezing confidently. “Let’s do this thing.”

 

Kara nodded in agreement before making her way over to the stairs. Since her eyes didn’t work the way she wanted them to around the lead, she’d have to rely on her other senses. Right now, she needed to try and single the Icoid out.

 

Walking slowly and methodically, Kara’s eyes didn’t register the beautiful banister or the marble flooring as she concentrated her every thought into hearing the Icoid’s heartbeat among the noises of the city around her.

 

It was here. She just needed to find it.

 

She’d reached the top of the steps when she finally heard it.

 

It was slow, slower than any human’s or Kryptonian’s.

 

The Icoids were defined by their need for cold environments. Their heartrates rarely reached a level considered normal by most other species. She wondered how such a creature could survive the earth’s warm atmosphere, especially in the National City spring. Maybe it had invented some kind of armor to protect itself?

 

She followed the sound as she made her way along platform five.

 

It was eerie, walking alone along the bright and deserted train station.

 

She could feel the Icoid’s heartbeat reverberate inside her eardrums as she continued her trek, closing in on the offending prisoner.

 

She almost jumped when Alex’s voice sounded in her earpiece.

 

“Everything alright? Have you located the prisoner yet?”

 

Kara did jump when a burst of atomic energy hit a beautifully carved stone column in front of her, exploding debris flying through the air.

 

“I think I just found it,” she answered quickly as she flew into the air to avoid the next burst of energy being shot her way.

 

The Icoid was indeed wearing a full-body suit. Its skin was whiter than the snow and its nose reminded Kara of a puppy’s. To her disappointment, that was where the similarities ended. The prisoner’s head was shaped differently than a human’s, taking the shape of a white cone. Its beady eyes were watching her menacingly from its position behind another pillar.

 

It didn’t speak English as it lunged at her, screeching in its native language.

 

Kara had no idea what it was talking about.

 

She summersaulted in the air to avoid another hit by the gigantic, shiny gun as the Icoid cackled. The pale, chrome color of the weapon stood out starkly against the long, white frock it was wearing.

 

It screeched at her again as she shot forward, scrambling out of the way of her attack before she could hit it. She needed to get her head in the game if she wanted to get the Icoid to the D.E.O. agents waiting in the lobby with their containment gear.

 

She had a feeling trying to talk to it would be pointless as it trained its gun on her again.

 

Rolling out of the line of attack, she targeted the Icoid’s hands with her heat vision, hoping it would be forced to drop its weapon, but it darted out of reach again. It cackled gleefully, making Kara’s hackles rise as she tried anew.

 

What was it doing?

 

It had fired its weapon over five times now and it hadn’t landed a single shot. While Kara would take any sort of compliment her maneuvering abilities could get, it didn’t make any sense. Icoids were known for their excellent marksmanship and this Icoid likely didn’t land itself in jail because it was a lousy shot. And it hadn’t injured a single civilian upon its arrival, either. It had run away from the D.E.O.

 

It didn’t add up.

 

“I think the Icoid is stalling for some reason. It keeps missing me with its weapon. It doesn’t seem as aggressive as it should be, considering it’s one of Non’s lackeys,” Kara spoke into her earpiece as she avoided another attack. “I don’t know why, but I don’t think it’s really trying to cause any damage to anyone.”

 

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Alex’s voice once again sounded over the line.

 

“I know, it’s weird. I don’t know what to make of this,” Kara said as she bore down on the prisoner once more, this time hitting him in the shoulder with her heat vision, causing him to drop his gun.

 

He didn’t seem so cheerful now.

 

“I disarmed him, I’m going to try and knock him out.”

 

Kara accelerated her speed, her body but a blur in the air as the Icoid tried to flee.

 

It might have been impervious to metal bullets and kryptonite, but it wasn’t immune to Kara’s fists.

 

She slammed right into the humanoid’s back, knocking it over and into the ground hard. She was just about to punch it right into its smugly grinning helmet as Alex’s voice sounded for the third time.

 

“Lord Industries’ electrical station is under attack by Non’s people right this moment! Kara, you need to get down here, we need to go! This was just a diversion to get us to the other side of town!”

 

Kara growled as she delivered the final blow, her fist landing directly in the Icoid’s helmet, shattering it and knocking the prisoner out cold.

 

“I’m on my way! The Icoid is down and unconscious! I’ll fly ahead to the station and you guys can catch up after you’re done with this one.” Kara didn’t wait for a reply from anyone on the team as she shot out of the train station and into the daylight.

 

“Kara, no! Don’t go alone, who knows how many of them are out there!” Alex’s voice was frantic with worry, but Kara ignored her. There was no time to waste.

 

She’d never flown this quickly through the city before, barely scraping along the sound barrier without actually breaking it.

 

Because, while she didn’t like Maxwell Lord and everything he stood for, his electrical station did provide a large chunk of the city with much-needed electricity, including one of their most important hospitals.

 

If anything happened to that electrical station, it wouldn’t be Maxwell Lord who would be suffering the consequences.

 

Kara reached the building in under a minute, a new personal record.

 

She didn’t have time to appreciate this fact, as her eyes made contact with two of the Kryptonians Non usually liked to keep around as he wreaked havoc on the city. They were standing guard outside, a number of electrical workers lying at their feet. Kara was praying to Rao they were only unconscious.

 

Without slowing down, Kara slammed right into the nearest Kryptonian.

 

Ar-Ual crashed into the wall behind her as Kara went to work on her companion.

 

She managed to land a well-placed punch in Tra-Gob’s face before the Kryptonian man regained his bearing and started to fight back in earnest. She’d never been so grateful for Alex’s hand-to-hand combat training.

 

Feinting with her left hand, she jabbed her right at the man’s chest, pulling the little device protecting him from kryptonite from his chest and hurling it away. His face distorted in anger as he lunged out against her, but Kara simply ducked away under his punch before slamming her full body-weight against his stomach, knocking the air from his lungs.

 

She needed them to be vulnerable for when the D.E.O. arrived with their kryptonite weapons.

 

She wouldn’t be able to take them all by herself.

 

Tra-Gob was still holding his stomach as Ar-Ual stepped out from the rubble, a look of murder in her eyes.

 

But Kara didn’t have time for her. She needed to get inside to assess the situation.

 

In retrospect, she knew it had been a terrible idea to go without back-up to this highly dangerous location. She couldn’t go up alone against three, let alone possibly ten Kryptonians and other Fort Rozz prisoners who equaled her in strength and outmatched her in skill.

 

She didn’t have time to ponder her own fears as Ar-Ual attacked, her short black hair whipping in the wind as she charged, angrier than any bull. Out of options, Kara charged as well, two Gods among humans crashing together in the middle and throwing each other back into the surrounding buildings.

 

She didn’t have _time_ for this.

 

Pushing herself to her feet, Kara sent a pulse of heat vision into where she could see Ar-Ual’s splayed form on the ground, hitting the shining, blue pin on her uniform. Wasting no more time, she super sped off into the station’s main building.

 

Here, too, the walls were lined with lead, but she could hear the familiar voices of Astra, Non, and Commander Gor somewhere further in, alongside a different voice Kara hadn’t heard before.

 

“Do you have everything we need?” Non’s impatient voice was the easiest to pick up.

 

“Yes, I think that should be enough. Commander Gor already sent out two of his people with more of the same. We should be just fine.” That was the new voice Kara couldn’t identify.

 

“Good, then let’s get out of here. My dear niece has already found us,” Astra’s voice joined the others. “Haven’t you, dear?”

 

Kara gritted her teeth as she sped onwards.

 

Some serious damage had been inflicted on the generators all around her, filling her with the dread that maybe she’d been too late to save what was left of the station.

 

Reaching the main room, Kara’s worst fears were made real.

 

The main generator was placed in the middle of the room, the control panels below it were trashed and a blinking box, which could only be an explosive, was strapped to the generator.

 

Astra, Non, Commander Gor and a new face were standing in a circle on the far end of the room.

 

Astra was smiling at her, Non was scowling triumphantly and the new man was… curious?

 

He was an older man with receding white hair and wrinkles all around his face. He wasn’t wearing the signature black uniform and he wasn’t smiling. Instead, he was wearing grease-stained, grey overalls and was looking intently down at a schematic.

 

“Welcome, Kara. So glad you could join us,” Astra said jovially as she took a step towards her niece.

 

Kara didn’t know what to say.

 

Nothing about this made _any_ sense. What purpose would it serve her aunt to destroy a human power station? Even if it did belong to Maxwell Lord, at best the destruction would cause harm to a relatively small number of civilians, not even close to the grand scale Astra usually tried to tip over.

 

“What are you doing here, Aunt Astra?”

 

Kara could hear Ar-Ual and Tra-Gob behind her, closing in on them as well. She could only hope Alex and the others would join her soon.

 

The strange man in the overalls folded his schematics and looked around bored, as though noticing for the first time that a commotion had taken place.

 

“Let’s go, we have everything we need,” he said unceremoniously and turned to go.

 

“Hey, not so fast!” Kara would be damned if she let any of them leave without at least getting _some_ answers, but Non stepped in her way as she tried to reach the newcomer.

 

She really should have waited.

 

Her uncle’s fist collided with her side, hurling Kara through a wall and leaving her with the unpleasant sensation of what she assumed bruised ribs must feel like for humans.

 

Non was laughing now.

 

“Little girl, where is your band of merry men and women? Those humans you claim to love so much and cower behind when things get too difficult for you?” He was walking towards her and she pushed herself to her feet again.

 

She needed to hold on until the others got here.

 

Non and Kara both moved at the same time, meeting each other head-on as they fought. Kara landed a punch directly to his jawline just before he gripped her by the throat and hurled her against the main generator.

 

Electricity crackled as she was pushed against open cables that had been exposed by the Kryptonians’ destruction.

 

Kara wobbled slightly as she forced herself to her feet again, now leaning heavily against the crackling generator behind her.

 

She chanced a quick glance at Astra as Non laughed again. She looked stricken, but also not like she was in any hurry to help out her only remaining flesh and blood. Not that Kara had really expected her to, but it would’ve been nice regardless.

 

She watched as Non moved to walk back over to her again.

 

Before he could, a battalion of D.E.O. agents flooded the room.

 

Kara watched in horror as Alex, spear-heading the group as usual, gunned down Ar-Ual and came to a stop facing Non, her weapon raised and ready to fire.

 

“My, how quaint, little girl. Your human lapdog to the rescue,” Non spoke sardonically as Alex lined up her shot. She knew it was virtually useless, using the kryptonite gun on a Kryptonian still protected by their blue pin, but she didn’t know what else to do.

 

Kara’s lip was bleeding, her knees were wobbling and her outfit had a tear along her right arm.

 

Alex was not going to stand idly by while her sister was getting mauled by this animal.

 

She was about to pull the trigger, when Non’s lips formed into a sneer. He ripped the gun out of Alex’s hands and backhanded her across the face. Her head snapping to the side, Alex flew backwards several feet, bowling over Kara who’d only just managed to stay upright.

 

“That’s enough. We have what we need. Let’s go.” Astra’s voice left no room for argumentation and for once, Non obeyed without questioning her authority.

 

Tra-Gob was in kryptonite handcuffs, but Ar-Ual seemed to have fled.

 

“Yes, let’s go,” Non agreed.

 

His eyes flashed red as his heat vision kicked in.

 

Afraid of what he might do, Kara rolled herself atop a dazed Alex and shielded her with her own body.

 

But they weren’t Non’s targets.

 

The fire shooting from his eyes hit the bomb attached to the generator, causing it to rupture and explode.

 

The D.E.O. agents ran as Non, Astra and the other Kryptonians flew away at lightning speed.

 

Kara stared down at Alex’s half-lidded eyes as she heard and felt the explosion ripping through the building.

 

The last thing she felt was an electrical shock more intense than she’d ever felt before.

 

Then everything was dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rating may change with future chapters, though i don't expect it to go beyond M if it were to come to that.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed chapter 1! Tell me your theories on where you think all these loose plot threads will be going!
> 
> I've already got the story planned out, now all I need to do is write it down.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @goshdarnitjay


	2. stable conditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter is a thing that happened. it was out of my control, i take absolutely zero blame for what happens next
> 
> send a thank you to my beautiful beta @killingmesoftlywiththesesongs for putting up with my shit

“Her condition has been stabilized for now. All we can do at this point is to monitor her vitals and hope that what happened to… doesn’t… her…”

 

Alex swam in and out of consciousness, unable to focus her mind.

 

At one point, she could have sworn she felt a hand touch her face gently, felt the soft pressure of a kiss against her eyebrow, the whisper of someone else’s breath on her face as they leaned over her.

 

But there was nothing she could do.

 

She couldn’t move.

 

Her body wouldn’t respond to her commands.

 

She could feel a hand holding her own, but she couldn’t squeeze it to let the person know that she was there.

 

She couldn’t even open her eyes.

 

-

 

“We have a situation, Supergirl. One of Non’s friends is at it again, they’re terrorizing one of Lord’s labs. I know you want to be here when she wakes up, but this needs your attention,” the man’s deep voice was kind and reassuring. Alex thought she should be able to recognize it but her brain still felt like it wasn’t firing quite right.

 

Someone else was talking now, but she couldn’t make out the words. It felt… further away, like she was hearing someone talking in the distance. There was the sound—of a police car, speeding through the street.

 

Everything was loud.

 

“I know. You’ll call me if anything changes?” Another voice, lighter. Beautiful. It cut through the noise like a knife. Alex wanted to get to that voice, wanted to see who had spoken. Everything about this felt _so familiar_.

 

“You will hear from me the second anything changes,” the man replied to the lovely voice. Alex’s left eyebrow twitched. She could feel it clearly.

 

Maybe she’d be able to move, if she really tried.

 

The sound of someone speeding away caught her attention next, though the police siren was still there, pressing against her eardrums.

 

The police sirens, the crying children, the typing of a computer keyboard.

 

Everything was happening _so much_.

 

Her eyebrow twitched again, stronger this time.

 

She needed to pull herself out of this. She needed to be awake.

 

She didn’t know why, but there was this feeling inside of her. Like she was _needed_. Desperately sought after.

 

Unbidden, Kara’s face entered Alex’s mind.

 

 _Kara_.

 

Alex’s body tensed up at the thought, the sound of a heart monitor going wild in her ears, nearly deafening everything else as hands closed around her arms.

 

“Alex!” The voice was so loud in her ears, drowning out the rest of the noises only temporarily as she tried desperately to open her eyes to look at the speaker’s face. “Alex, wake up!”

 

He was shaking her now, softly but insistently at the same time.

 

“Alex!”

 

Abruptly, her eyes ripped open as her upper body nearly catapulted itself into an upright position, the man holding onto her, whom she now recognized as J’onn, thrown away by the force of the movement.

 

He slammed into a wall next to the door, instruments rattling on their shelves.

 

The sounds tore through Alex’s skull as she pressed her shaking hands to her ears and gritted her teeth. She had never known such pain before. It felt as though her brain was getting ready to explode into a million tiny pieces, each one penetrated by a new sound joining in to torture her.

 

“It’s so loud, so _loud_ ,” she groaned, her hands pushing into her ears more firmly. Even her own _voice_ hurt, echoing back into her head with an unfamiliar and unwelcome ferocity.

 

Her hands made no difference as she tried and failed to block out the cacophony of the streets and cities outside. There were so many people crying out for help, so many people screaming, so many people _surrounding themselves with noise_.

 

Alex’s eyes started to water with the force of the pain and she squeezed them shut fearfully.

 

What on earth was happening to her?

 

“Supergirl, what’s your status? What’s happening at the lab?” J’onn’s voice cut through the sounds only barely, and only by virtue of being closest to her. He didn’t sound frantic, but he sounded worried, distressed.

 

Alex opened her eyes for a second to look at him. He’d gotten to his feet, his phone to his ear.

 

“Is everything clear at the lab?”

 

Their eyes met.

 

And then, his face, his flesh, was gone and she was staring at his _bones_.

 

She screamed.

 

-

 

Kara was on the other side of town, her cape fluttering in the wind as she stood outside one of Lord Industries’ labs. She’d been inside only a few moments before, trying to figure out how many of Astra’s people had been sent out and who it was she would be dealing with.

 

But before she’d even gone beyond the foyer, a door to her left had been blown off its hinges by a smug looking Ar-Ual, followed by Non, Commander Gor and the unknown older man in the grey overalls.

 

They’d been carrying unmarked boxes.

 

Kara and six D.E.O. agents had tried to stand in their way, but Kara had barely found the time to leave the ground before Non had looked at her with a smug smile of satisfaction and they’d been off.

 

Kara had been prepared to follow them to wherever they were flying to, but then Maxwell Lord had appeared as if out of nowhere, leaving her confused and angry as he tried to shoo them away.

 

“Will you at least tell us what they took?” Kara tried to reason with him. He was up to no good, that much was clear, but she needed to know if certain chemicals he kept at his lab could be used for any nefarious Kryptonian weapons.

 

“I have no idea what they took, but if you find out why they keep harassing me, please do let me know, _Supergirl_.” She hated the mocking tone of voice he used when he spoke to her, all smarmy self-importance and facial hair.

 

Kara was pretty sure she’d never truly hated anyone in her entire life, but Maxwell Lord cut it pretty close.

 

He walked away from her without another word or glance.

 

“Why is he such a jerk?” She asked Vasquez, who was standing idly next to her with her gigantic gun. They were both glaring at Lord’s back.

 

“Maybe he was born with it,” she answered, shrugging. “Some people are just assholes.”

 

“I guess,” Kara said, deflating a bit.

 

J’onn’s voice broke her out of her funk as she finally looked away from Lord’s retreating back.

 

“Supergirl, what’s your status? What’s happening at the lab?” He didn’t sound panicky, but there was definitely something off about his voice. Like he was intentionally trying to keep it composed and free of stress.

 

He was failing miserably at it.

 

Something was wrong.

 

“What’s wrong? Is it Alex? Did something happen?” She quickly scanned the faces of the agents around her, but none of them seemed to hold more information than she did, which at the very least offered her _some_ relief.

 

If they hadn’t been told anything, that suggested that she hadn’t been purposefully left out of the loop to keep her from freaking out on a mission.

 

“Is everything clear at the lab?”

 

“Everything is _fine_ here. Non and the others took some boxes, but we don’t know what was in them. Could have been anything. Now tell me what’s—“ Her query was interrupted by a guttural scream from the background. A voice Kara knew all too well.

 

 _Alex_ _was_ _screaming_.

 

Kara was wrong about what she’d considered _fast_ a few days ago.

 

Her speed then was nothing against her speed now.

 

She didn’t even care that her ascent had cracked some windows along the way. Didn’t care that she’d left Vasquez and the other agents standing around Lord’s lab, probably wondering where she was rushing off to.

 

Or maybe they weren’t wondering.

 

Maybe they knew exactly that to Kara, Alex was the only thing that mattered in this world.

 

Kara slammed into the ground in front of the D.E.O. base without throttling her speed, leaving a crater the size of a small swimming pool in front of the door, though the impact site wasn’t as deep. Wasting not a single second, she super sped into the building.

 

She could still hear Alex’s screams, though now it was because she was using her super hearing.

 

J’onn had hung up after the screaming had started.

 

Reaching her destination, Kara burst into the observation room.

 

“Alex?”

 

She was hunched over with her hands over her ears, and her head wedged between her knees. She was still screaming, her fingers dug deeply into her hair. Her eyes were squeezed shut in agony and there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

J’onn was standing next to the bed, gripping her shoulders tightly, obviously trying to provide some sort of comfort to her.

 

The whole scene looked all too familiar to Kara.

 

“J’onn, go get the sound mufflers, get them _right now_ ,” she commanded fiercely as she rushed forward, her hands covering Alex’s on her head.

 

J’onn was off in an instant, his footsteps echoing loudly as he ran as fast as he could without compromising his identity.

 

Satisfied for the moment that J’onn would get the mufflers to them quickly, Kara crouched down next to Alex on the bed, cooing softly as she tried to lift up Alex’s head.

 

“Alex? Alex, focus on my voice. It’s okay, J’onn is going to be right back with what you need. Shh, it’s going to be okay. Focus on my voice,” Kara whispered to her sister, knowing full-well that any noise this close to her ears would be picked up without trouble. “Look at me, I’m here now, I’m here, focus on my voice. I am _right here_ _for you_.”

 

With tears still streaming down her cheeks, Alex’s eyelids fluttered as she opened them slowly, locking eyes with Kara and finding, to her relief, that she was whole. There were no bones, there was no bloody flesh, just Kara’s beautiful face.

 

The hands covering hers were warm and gentle, the same hands she’d felt while she had been unconscious.

 

Kara was here.

 

“Come on, Alex, you can do this. You just need to concentrate on me and nothing else. Feel the muscles in your ears, feel them contract with every new sound and _stop them_ ,” Kara’s whispered words filled her head, muffling the noises Alex’s ears were still picking up from all around her. “Concentrate on _me_. No one else is here.”

 

In the end, it wasn’t hard.

 

Nodding, keeping their gazes locked, Alex released her hands from her ears and gritted her teeth. The noise was as overwhelming as it had been before, but she could feel the pulses in her ears for what they were now.

 

Muscles.

 

Muscles raging into overdrive, trying to decipher all of the new information they were suddenly able to perceive. Swallowing hard, she concentrated all of her effort into feeling her muscles and forcing them to arrest.

 

It didn’t take but a second.

 

It was the same sort of non-feeling she had when she reached out to grab a pen, the same sort of ease with which she commanded the rest of her body. It had seemed foreign to her before because she hadn’t known her muscles could _do_ this.

 

She breathed a sigh of relief at the quiet that cloaked itself around her like an old friend.

 

Now all she could hear was their breathing, Kara’s and her own.

 

“I’m okay, I’m- I think I got it,” Alex said breathlessly, her hands still clenched tightly with Kara’s in her lap. “What was that? I’ve never felt anything like this before. What the hell happened?”

 

Before Kara could respond, J’onn rushed in with the sound mufflers.

 

He smiled.

 

“I guess we won’t need these after all,” he said, holding them tightly in both of his hands. The relief wafting off of him was almost palpable. His shoulders relaxed and the lines around his mouth and forehead loosened.

 

“Keep them here, we might need them later,” Kara said softly as she wiped away Alex’s tears with her right hand. “But maybe we should talk about what happened first and what all of this means.”

 

“Yes, I think that would be best,” J’onn agreed, setting the mufflers down on a nearby table and crossing his arms over his broad chest.

 

“What the hell _did_ happen?” Alex asked, before either Kara or J’onn could say another word or something else could derail this conversation. “The last thing I remember is getting to the power station and stepping in between you and your uncle, Kara.”

 

“There was an explosion shortly after you got there,” Kara started slowly. “They strapped a bomb to the main generator. Non set it off with his heat vision and then everyone was running and you and I were sort of- trapped, I guess, in the blast. I was shielding you with my body as the generator exploded practically on top of us.”

 

Alex’s jaw clenched tightly as her eyes swept over Kara, surveilling her for any injuries she might have missed in her own pained state. But, of course, there was nothing wrong with Kara now. She’d obviously been cared for by the D.E.O.

 

J’onn cleared his throat to get her attention as he spoke.

 

“We pulled you out of the rubble as soon as we could. You were both still unconscious when we finally found you, and Kara had to spend quite a lot of time in the solar waves dispenser,” he said, obviously displeased with the entire situation.

 

“Being in an explosion that big will do that to you,” Kara added helpfully. “We had no idea what happened to you or whether or not you would be fine. The doctors said that you were stable and that there weren’t any signs of an injury, but you- well, you wouldn’t wake up.”

 

Kara had never been more scared in her entire life, safe perhaps for the moments right before she’d watched her home planet explode from inside her space pod. Seeing Alex so lifeless and being entirely unable to do anything to stop it had brought Kara practically to her knees. Figuratively and literally.

 

“How long was I out for?” Dread seized Alex’s heart in a vice grip. She was afraid of the answer.

 

“You were out for about five days.” Kara looked pained, like she hadn’t been sleeping well while Alex had been out of commission. If she’d slept at all.

 

But Alex felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She’d worried she’d been out for _months_. Five days she could work with; five days was nothing.

 

“Okay, so I was out for a few days, stranger things have happened. What I’m really concerned about is,” she failed to find the correct words to describe what had taken place only a few minutes before, “whatever this thing with my ears was about.” She didn’t want to mention being able to see J’onn’s _bones_.

 

Kara frowned.

 

“Isn’t it obvious, Alex? You’ve got my super hearing. Whatever happened to us in there sounds an awful lot like what happened with me and Livewire.” Now that she had said it out loud, worry started to niggle at Kara’s stomach. This wasn’t good.

 

“You were both exposed to over 25,000 volts of electricity.” J’onn’s voice was grave and contemplative. “Nowhere near the amount that Livewire was subjected to when she was hit by that lightning bolt. Still, your Kryptonian cells might have fundamentally changed Alex’s genetic make-up, Kara.”

 

He frowned, mirroring Kara’s face.

 

“Hey, if you expect me to turn into electricity and slither around in our mainframe, I can give you some relief on that front. I am feeling very corporeal,” Alex said, trying to take in everything the others were saying. “I don’t feel weak, either. Whatever your cells did to me, Kara, I don’t think it was anything bad. Aside from that super hearing episode, I feel great.”

 

Now that she was thinking about it, she didn’t just feel great. She felt _strong_. Much stronger than before.

 

“That’s not the only thing I’m worried about,” J’onn added, a hand going to his chin as he regarded the two sisters. “I can’t read your mind anymore, Alex. Whenever I’m around people, I always know who I can read and who I can’t. Of course, it never worked on you either, Kara.”

 

Kara stared.

 

“Seems like my super hearing isn’t the only thing that rubbed off on you during that explosion.” She titled her head to the side so she could see Alex’s expression. “I think my powers left an imprint on you. I think- I think you’re more Kryptonian than human now.”

 

Alex stared back at her.

 

-

 

Alex needed a moment to process this new information.

 

She had no doubt that Kara was completely right with her assessment. Whatever happened between them in that power station, some transferal of power had taken place and she’d been changed in the process.

 

Maybe irreversibly.

 

She had no idea what she was going to do with this information. She wasn’t even sure if she was happy about it.

 

There had been many moments during her teenage years when she’d wished she could feel what Kara was feeling. Where she’d begged and pleaded to a God she wasn’t quite sure existed that he or she or it would grant her the same powers that Kara possessed, just so she could finally _understand_.

 

There had always been that final barrier between them.

 

There were paths and places that Kara could go that Alex could not follow.

 

But she’d made peace with these feelings a long time ago. She was past them now. It had been years since she’d even entertained the idea of possessing Kryptonian powers. She had trained hard to bring herself into the best physical, intellectual and emotional shape she possibly could be and she’d done it all by herself.

 

And now there was _this_.

 

-

 

Alex didn’t look up as the medical personnel flooded the room to take her vitals and test her to see if there was anything wrong.

 

Kara dropped her hand to stand with J’onn in the corner, silently observing.

 

She didn’t flinch or say anything when the needle they tried to prick her with bent out of shape on her skin, unable to penetrate it. She didn’t move a muscle when J’onn calmly ordered them to bring in low-grade kryptonite to weaken her enough to allow the blood-draw.

 

Staring at the ceiling, she complied with whatever they asked her to do.

 

All she wanted was to get this whole thing over with, so she could process. Preferably with some scotch or a bottle of whiskey.

 

She frowned. Right, no alcohol. That didn’t work on her anymore. Maybe if she smuggled out some kryptonite? No, that wouldn’t work either. Kara would most likely want to talk things out with her, explain her new powers, tell her… how happy she was? How sad? Alex couldn’t read her.

 

“Everything seems to be working fine,” one of the doctors said to J’onn and then turned to her. “We’ll analyze your blood, to see if there is anything that could be of concern, but so far it seems that your body has adjusted well to the changes.” She smiled at Alex, obviously happy about this development.

 

Alex was silent.

 

J’onn nodded to the doctors as they made their way out of the room, leaving him and Kara alone with Alex again.

 

As soon as the last doctor was out of the door, Kara walked back over to Alex’s bedside and grabbed her hand. Alex still wasn’t sure what that facial expression was trying to tell her.

 

“I think we should talk to my mother’s hologram. Maybe she’ll know what to do about this,” Kara spoke softly, her eyes searching Alex’s blank face. “If you think you’re up for leaving the room.” Her thumb stroked along the back of Alex’s hand soothingly. “I can go alone if you don’t want to.”

 

Alex sighed inwardly.

 

This Kara she knew how to deal with. Worried and frightened.

 

Every instinct and cell in Alex’s body told her to soothe, to protect.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Alex said, getting back into a sitting position, “if anyone knows what’s going to happen to me now, it’s your mom.” She looked over at J’onn’s silent form. “Can you get me some clothes? This hospital gown is terrible.”

 

She tried for a smile and he nodded, his face still grave.

 

Once he was gone, Alex chanced another look at Kara’s face. She was staring at her weirdly again, like she’d never seen Alex before. Like she was a completely different person to who she was only a few days prior.

 

“What? Did your powers also give me a terrible haircut?” Her attempt at humor wasn’t met with laughter or even a smile.

 

Instead, Kara’s hands lifted to Alex’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug.

 

“I was so scared,” Kara confessed quietly into Alex’s neck. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

 

Kara’s grip was strong and if Alex hadn’t been changed during the transfer, she’d probably have protested. But she _had_ been changed and things were different now, so she curled her arms around Kara’s form and squeezed her back just as firmly.

 

“You’re not going to be losing me anytime soon, not if I’ve got something to say about it.” Her voice was soothing; the same way it always was when she spoke to reassure Kara.

 

But Alex herself felt uncertain.

 

What if this incident _had_ changed her? What if it did something to her on the inside? What if she lost her mind the way Livewire did?

 

No. No, Leslie had been unstable before she’d received her powers. That couldn’t possibly happen to her.

 

Swallowing hard, Alex looked down at her arms. They were clutching Kara firmly, her hands buried in her cape.

 

But they didn’t look any different to her.

 

They looked the same as before.

 

There weren’t any new muscles or changes to her skin. The old injuries and scars were still right where they were supposed to be.

 

Experimentally, she tightened the grip of her right hand on Kara’s cape, but nothing felt out of place.

 

She was the same.

 

This wouldn’t change who she was.

 

Again, she felt relieved.

 

She was Alex Danvers and she would be fine.

 

-

 

Alura’s hologram flickered to life as Kara stepped forward into the circle of light.

 

Alex was back in her usual D.E.O. garb, wearing her black pants and her black polo shirt, just the way she liked it. She hadn’t even broken or ripped anything as she got dressed, though that was most likely because she’d been too scared to move very much.

 

“Hey, mom. I need to talk to you.” Kara still seemed awkward, talking to her mother’s holographic visage.

 

Alex couldn’t even begin to understand how hard it must be for Kara to see her mother’s face and not be able to touch her. Sometimes she still felt it was cruel, forcing Kara to interact with this alien technology.

 

“What is your question, Kara?” Alura’s hologram responded, her face as neutral as it always was.

 

Kara turned to Alex, beckoning her closer.

 

“Alex and I were involved in an accident. We were both electrocuted and my powers somehow left an impression on her body. We’re pretty sure she’s got most of my powers. Do you know anything about that?” As Alex took her place in the circle of light, Kara’s hand shot to the side and seized Alex’s firmly. As usual, it filled Alex with a feeling of assurance.

 

“It is not unheard of for humans to adapt to Kryptonian DNA as it exists under Earth’s yellow sun. Our molecular structures are very similar to those of humans. However, while Kryptonian bodies are built to absorb the rays of Earth’s yellow sun, human bodies are not. They are unable to sustain our metabolism for very long without facing serious consequences, most cases leading to death.”

 

Kara’s grip tightened around Alex as they both took in the news.

 

“So, if we don’t reverse the process somehow, Alex is going to die?” Starting to shake softly, Kara couldn’t tear her eyes away from her mother’s impassive face. No, not her mother’s face. This wasn’t her mother, this was a computer, just an avatar.

 

“Most case studies conducted before Krypton was destroyed suggest this outcome, yes.”

 

Alex paused at this.

 

“What do you mean with ‘case studies’?” Alex hoped to whatever higher power was out there that what Alura was alluding to wasn’t what she feared. What she had just mentioned so offhandedly sounded an awful lot like human experimentation.

 

“I am sorry; I have not been programmed to answer this question.” This answer made neither Alex nor Kara feel any better.

 

“Is there any way to reverse Alex’s condition?” Kara finally asked.

 

“Case studies revealed that a reversal of the power transfer can prove difficult. Many humans are unable to sustain the amount of electricity needed to force another change after the fact.” Still, Alura’s face was without emotion.

 

“So what you’re saying is I’m fucked either way,” Alex spoke, her voice strangely empty.

 

“I am sorry; I have not been programmed to answer this question,” Alura’s hologram intoned again.

 

“Great, awesome, that’s just really helpful.” Her voice was bitter now as she looked at the ghost of a woman who might have been great once. Slipping her hand free of Kara’s, Alex turned to go. “I need a moment to process this. I’ll come find you later, okay?”

 

She passed a hand over Kara’s cheek and pressed a long, lingering kiss against her temple.

 

“We’ll figure this out, we always do,” and with those words, Alex was off.

 

-

 

Kara stood alone in the chamber with her mother’s image. She hadn’t moved from where Alex had left her about ten minutes ago. It was all too horrible to comprehend.

 

“Alex is going to die no matter what we do? Are those really the only two choices?”

 

She’d been happy.

 

The emotion had only lasted for a second, but she’d been _happy_.

 

After things had calmed down and Alex had been able to control her super hearing, Kara had felt a great many things. She’d been hopeful for their future, relieved that Alex was fine and worried about how Alex was feeling. But some part of her, a part hiding in the very back of her mind, had been _ecstatic_ at the thought of her sister finally being able to share in the rest of her life.

 

She’d been happy. And now Alex was dying, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

 

“I am sorry; I have not been programmed-,“ Alura’s hologram was talking again, but Kara couldn’t stand to listen to it anymore.

 

“I know, I know, you’re not programmed to answer my questions, _I know_!” It was like hearing about her mother’s supposed betrayal all over again. She clenched her fists tightly at her sides, her body trembling violently. “If we try to reverse the power transfer, how high are the odds that Alex will die?”

 

By Rao, even thinking about Alex’s death left her cold and empty inside.

 

“Human death by virtue of electrocution after the removal of Kryptonian DNA was at roughly ninety-five percent,” Alura’s hologram responded readily.

 

“And if we don’t remove the powers?” Kara’s voice was shaking as much as her body now. Helplessness was crawling into her bones, choking her. “How long will she have?”

 

Alura’s hologram didn’t hesitate.

 

“The average human life span after the reception of Kryptonian powers ranged from between three weeks to a month. Most often, the human recipient would die of cardiac arrest.”

 

With nothing to hold on to and nothing left to ask, Kara sank to her knees, staring emptily at the shadow her mother had left behind for her to visit. She’d have given anything for a hug in this moment. Anything for her mother’s touch, telling her it would be alright.

 

Because _she’d been_ _happy_.

 

And now?

 

Now it was over.

 

-

 

Alex’s fists were shaking as she made her way slowly but surely through deserted corridors at the D.E.O. She passed the med bay and the lab, where she’d spent so many hours poring over an assortment of alien technologies and physiologies.

 

There was only one place she wanted to go now, to stew in the injustice of it all.

 

Carefully opening the door leading to hangar five, Alex’s mouth twisted into a half-smile, half-sneer as the strung up car came into view, surrounded by an assortment of regular punching bags and mats.

 

Her sister couldn’t work out on their normal punching bags, so she’d suggested a method she’d used once before.

 

Punching old cars.

 

This was exactly what she needed.

 

Stripping off her gun and badge, she made her way over to the black car. She placed her right hand softly on its hood, careful not to damage it too soon. It would be good to see how strong she was now, to get a gage on how much she’d need to cut back on motions that had felt so safe and normal before.

 

Kara had had years to perfect the amount of strength she needed to get through life without causing trouble, Alex had discovered her strength barely two hours ago.

 

Gently, she rested her forehead next to her hand.

 

If this really was going to kill her, then she needed to make the most of the time she had left. And that included bringing Maxwell Lord, Astra, Non and all the other stooges to their knees. If she was going to die, she needed to be sure that Kara would be safe. If not from future threats that Alex couldn’t possibly protect her from, then at least from the people Alex did know about.

 

Her eyes didn’t water as the first blow hit the car, leaving a fist-sized dent in the hood.

 

Instead, she gritted her teeth in anger as she punched it once more, this time with her left fist. The metal of the car groaned pitifully as she hit it again. And again. And again.

 

By the time her rage felt satisfied, her shoulders were shaking.

 

The hood of the car was totaled beyond recognition, its engine on the floor and an assortment of parts littering the ground all around her.

 

“I take it that whatever Alura had to say to you, it wasn’t what you wanted to hear?”

 

J’onn’s voice startled her out of her depressed musings.

 

He was sitting on a chair only a few feet away from her, his arms crossed and his expression thoughtful. Seeing him didn’t loosen the ball of pain that had taken root in her throat. When she died, he would be one more person she would be leaving behind.

 

“It’s going to kill me. Having Kara’s powers is going to kill me,” she told him flatly as she got into position to punch the mangled corpse of the car again. “Getting hit by lightning and being close to Kara turned Leslie into living electricity and it’s literally going to kill me _dead_.” She emphasized every word with a strategically placed punch, spraying even more metal around the room.

 

There was nothing but silence after that.

 

J’onn didn’t seem to know how to respond to what she’d just revealed and she didn’t blame him. In the end, she didn’t know how _she_ was going to respond. There were too many emotions flying through her head, warring against one another for the upper hand.

 

“It’s funny, you know. When I was a teenager, I always wanted to have Kara’s powers so I could understand her better, _protect_ her better. And now that I have them, I’ve got absolutely no clue what to do with myself.” She stopped throwing punches again, steading the swinging car with one hand as she swept the other one through her hair. “What would you do, if you knew you were going to die soon?”

 

She watched him as he slowly made his way toward her.

 

When he’d reached her, he placed his large hand on her shoulder and gave it a warm squeeze. “We will find a way to reverse this, Alex. There is always a way, we just need to find it. I’ve been around for a long, long time, so trust me when I tell you: There is always a way.”

 

Her eyes were watering now.

 

“If we can’t, if there’s nothing we can do to stop this, I need you to promise me something,” she said, her voice wavering only slightly. “If I do die, I need you to take care of Kara for me. She can’t do it all by herself and she’s going to need someone who is in her corner. I need you to promise me that you will be that person.”

 

The lines around his mouth tightened as the grip he had on her shoulder became rigid.

 

“I promise,” he said, releasing her shoulder with a final, awkward pat.

 

“Thanks,” she said, voice tremulous. “That actually makes me feel a little better.”

 

They were still standing there a few minutes later, silently avoiding eye contact but soaking in the other’s presence when Kara walked into the room.

 

Her shoulders were hunched ever so slightly, a far cry from the usual Supergirl posture she kept up while in her costume. Her hair seemed less bouncy than on any other given day and her eyes were hollow and exhausted.

 

It was obvious she’d been crying.

 

J’onn’s frown did not lessen as he took in her bedraggled form. Seeing them both bent so out of shape was taking its toll on him. It seemed to him now that Alex wasn’t the only one who was in danger of dying from this whole ordeal. He wasn’t sure Kara would survive losing her sister.

 

“I’ll go let you two talk,” he said, sending them both worried looks as he made his way out of the room, stopping by Kara’s side and clapping her on the shoulder, too. He’d never been particularly good at articulating his feelings through words or touch, but he was _desperately_ trying now. “I will see you both later.”

 

For now, he had work to do.

 

Alone again, Kara took in the destruction Alex had inflicted on the old vehicle. It made her feel worse, knowing she was the cause for Alex’s obvious pain and confusion. Her eyes filled with new tears as she watched the hard lines around Alex’s eyes soften.

 

“Hey,” Alex said, her left hand still gently resting on the destroyed hood.

 

“Hey,” Kara returned the greeting, her face and nose feeling as though someone had forcefully shoved cotton into every nook and cranny.

 

“Did your mom have any more helpful intel we can use to our advantage? Am I going to grow a second set of teeth or anything, because you need to prepare me, if that’s the case. If I am going to grow some weird, Kryptonian tail then I need to know about it.” Alex couldn’t handle seeing the look of complete and utter desolation in Kara’s eyes, but she didn’t know what she could say or do to make this better somehow. She didn’t know if there was anything she _could_ do.

 

As the tears started to slip down Kara’s cheeks, Alex pulled her sister into a tight hug.

 

“Hey, hey, don’t cry. I’m not dead yet. There’s no crying at the D.E.O., you know that,” she whispered soothingly as she curled one hand into Kara’s beautiful hair and pressed her closer with the other.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Kara pressed her face into her sister’s shoulder as the sobs shook her slightly taller frame. “Alex, I am so sorry this happened to you, this is all my fault.”

 

Suddenly angry, Alex pulled away from their hug, gripping Kara tightly by the shoulders.

 

“In no way is any of this your fault, you saved my life in there, Kara! If it hadn’t been for you, I would’ve been burned to a crisp by that explosion. Non and Astra and their people are the ones who are responsible. You are not allowed to blame yourself for this!” Her eyes were fierce as she stared Kara down.

 

The anger was boiling in her veins now, but Kara didn’t seem ready to listen to her.

 

“If it hadn’t been for me, you wouldn’t even have been there! If I’d been stronger, I could’ve knocked Non out in there and then you wouldn’t be dying! Alex… Alex, you’re…” The tears were coming on stronger now, the sobs making Kara nearly incoherent. “Alex, you’re _dying_ , because you wanted to protect _me_.”

 

The anger was fading from Alex’s body again, gone as quickly as it had come.

 

“And that was my choice, Kara. _My choice_.” She tenderly pressed their foreheads together, her hands sliding to her sister’s neck. “None of this is your fault and if I could do it all over again, I would make the same choice every time, because I love you and you love me, and I don’t ever want you to feel sorry about that, you hear me?”

 

Slowly, reluctantly, Kara nodded, moving her head softly against Alex’s.

 

For now, there was nothing else that needed to be said.

 

They would either find some way to fix what had been broken during that explosion, or they would not. But, Alex thought to herself, there were worse ways to die than for the person you loved most in the world.

 

And if she had to die, she was going to take as many bad guys with her as she possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a seriously dark turn but i like where it is going. I've already got everything planned out. to be fair, there was really no way to talk about what having Kryptonian powers does to humans without getting a little angsty. i did tweak the thing a bit so there wouldn't be an INSTANT-FIX like there seems to be for everything on smallville
> 
> BUT, fear not, this story WILL have a happy ending ok don't be alarmed by this, i've got all the mcguffins in place
> 
> next chapter will include MORE CONSPIRACY and also maybe emotions
> 
> maybe
> 
> Find and yell at me @goshdarnitjay on tumblr
> 
> see you soon, hopefully


	3. the fight continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read it and feel things with me
> 
> this chapter is 10k of emotional roller coaster
> 
> thank you to my magnificent beta @killingmesoftlywiththesesongs on tumblr, who i'm p sure is an actual real-life angel in disguise, cause she has to put up with so. much. shit.

The mood was tense at D.E.O. headquarters, as Alex and Kara made their way to the round-table after the debriefing they’d just received. Alex had been unconscious for five days, so she hadn’t been totally up to speed.

 

J’onn wasn’t there.

 

He was most likely off doing something that might slow down her rapidly deteriorating metabolism or possibly remove Kara’s powers from her altogether. She hoped he wouldn’t have to use his powers too much; it always reminded him of his past and she didn’t want him to suffer any more than he already had. Not for her.

 

She’d made peace with dying in hangar five, bludgeoning that used car.

 

She didn’t anticipate that there would be any way to stop the inevitable fate that was waiting for her.

 

The real world didn’t work like that.

 

She knew that Kara and J’onn would try their hardest to keep her around, and she loved them both for it, but in the end, she knew there wouldn’t be a damn thing for them to do.

 

While Alura’s hologram had said that _most_ people died from the procedure – implying that not all of them had – Alex had a hard time believing that she would be one of the few to survive this ordeal. Coincidences like that would simply be too good to be true.

 

“Vasquez, where are we with the prisoner? Has he cracked yet?” Alex’s voice was firm, not displaying any of the emotional turmoil she was currently feeling. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her body was exuding raw energy and power, a stance she’d perfected over the last two years of working for the D.E.O.

 

During her debriefing, Alex had been told they’d taken Tra-Gob into custody after the fiasco at the power station, a Kryptonian working for Non and Astra.

 

She wanted to beat him into a bloody pulp for what he’d done to all of them, but she knew that wouldn’t be the way to break him. Kryptonians didn’t respond to regular violence the way humans did. Their military training was too advanced.

 

She could sense Kara hovering behind her back, probably desperate to touch her, to ensure again with her own two hands that Alex was here, wasn’t already gone. It made Alex’s skin itch, craving the touch.

 

She didn’t follow the unconscious plea.

 

“He hasn’t said a word so far. We’re waiting for Director Henshaw to come back from his mission before we proceed with anything else,” Vasquez answered, eyeing her with both respect and remorse. But to Alex’s relief, there was no pity in her eyes.

 

“Good enough. Supergirl and I will be heading home for the day. Call me when Director Henshaw returns.” Vasquez nodded at the order and resumed tending to her readings as Alex turned her back on her, looking at Kara instead. “Let’s go home.”

 

Nodding as well, Kara gingerly took Alex by the hand and led her out of headquarters, swallowing self-consciously as they exited the building to find the huge crater she’d left out front. The D.E.O. had started filling it up with dirt, but work was coming along slowly. There were so many things to worry about, a hole in front of the building was the least of their problems.

 

Alex raised one eyebrow inquisitively.

 

“Looks like someone was in a hurry,” Alex mused, trying on a smile and finding, to her surprise, that it came easily. Now that they were outside and she could feel a cool breeze on her skin, things didn’t seem so bad anymore.

 

She was dying, but she was also _alive_.

 

And she would be alive for only who knew how much longer. Now wasn’t the time to focus on all the bad things that were slowly but surely sailing their way. Now was the time to enjoy the time she had left.

 

“Come on, Supergirl, fly us home.”

 

She was aware, technically, that she’d be able to fly herself now. That is, if she knew _how_ to. But even so, what Alex wanted most in this moment was to be close to Kara. For Kara to _hold_ her as they flew. She’d always loved taking flights with Kara as a teenager and it was no different now.

 

Stepping forward, Alex curled her arms around Kara’s neck and stepped softly onto the tips of her red boots. Kara hesitated only for a second, her face still marred with pain about the entire situation, before she wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist tightly and pulled them up into the sky.

 

The sun felt amazing on Alex’s skin, bringing a happy flush to her cheeks and neck. Was this how Kara felt all the time when she was in the sunshine?

 

The feeling was incredible.

 

It was like the sun was strengthening her, laying a protective, warm coat over her entire body and making her connection with Kara feel even stronger.

 

Alex buried her face in Kara’s neck and sighed softly, suddenly morose.

 

This feeling was temporary.

 

She needed to hold on to her frail humanity. Getting used to this feeling wouldn’t be wise, especially if J’onn did come up with some kind of antidote to what ailed her. All of this would be over soon. One way or another.

 

It wouldn’t do well to get attached.

 

-

 

Setting down on her balcony, Kara was reluctant to let Alex go. Flying with her had been nice, especially now with the uncertainty hanging around them like a constant drizzle. How much longer would she be able to hold Alex in her arms? All at once, every moment and touch had grown precious.

 

Finally untangling herself, Kara looked intently at her sister’s retreating form as Alex made her way into Kara’s apartment. Though over the last few months, it had grown to become _their_ apartment. Most nights, Alex didn’t even bother going home anymore. Her apartment was where she kept her clothes and went if she needed to be alone.

 

Kara hoped she wouldn’t go there now.

 

“Are you hungry? Can I make you anything?” Kara recognized her own words for what they were: A cheap attempt at connection in a situation where she didn’t know what else to do. She was pretty sure Alex recognized it, too.

 

“No, thanks. I don’t think I could eat anything,” Alex replied, her voice kind and patient. She’d always known when Kara was on the verge of breaking apart. “What I want right now is to take a very, _very_ long shower. I smell like hospital and I wasn’t even in one.”

 

That wasn’t entirely true.

 

She did smell like hospital and she did want that shower. She felt filthy and wanted to get rid of whatever might have been left of Non’s and Astra’s influence on her.

 

However, what Alex really wanted to do in this moment, more than anything else she’d ever wanted to do in her entire life, was to walk over to Kara and kiss her until neither of them would be able to breathe.

 

But that wasn’t an option for so many reasons.

 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll just- get out of my costume,” Kara said, as she gestured to her Supergirl outfit. “Have a nice shower and don’t take up all of the hot water again.” It was an attempt at banter and Alex was grateful for it, though the forced normalcy grated more than anything else. She expected it would be like that until Kara finally accepted that she couldn’t be saved. For now, Alex would work with what she had.

 

“I’ll borrow some of your clothes, if that’s okay. I don’t really feel like running to my apartment right now.” Again, it occurred to Alex that she would be able to run to her apartment and be back in seconds. It was scary, and yet exhilarating.

 

Her words seemed to break Kara out of her stupor.

 

“If that’s okay? If that’s _okay_?” Her hands were clenched into fists, shaking at her sides. Alex eyed her, worry written clearly across her features, but Kara couldn’t stop now. It was like the dam that had been building inside of her these last few days was finally ready to break. “Alex, you’re- you can take whatever you want—don’t you get that?”

 

_Especially now_ , was what she didn’t say.

 

Walking briskly over to Alex, she wrapped her hands into the front of her polo shirt.

 

All of the emotions she’d carefully bottled back up after leaving her mother’s hologram were bubbling back up to the surface. The unfairness of it all, the feeling of being directly responsible, her uncontrollable anger at Alex’s self-sacrificing nature. It was too much. She couldn’t do this anymore.

 

“Whoa, Kara, calm down. Everything’s okay. _I know_ you would do anything for me,” Alex said, trying to deescalate the suddenly tense situation and the extreme emotion Kara was displaying. She placed her hands on Kara’s wrists and started stroking them softly. “I do get it, I do. I know there’s nothing you wouldn’t give me if I asked you.”

 

Kara’s hands were shaking again, her eyes filled with tears.

 

“No, Alex, you don’t get it. You never have,” Kara mouthed, her voice a whisper of pain. Before she could reflect on what she was about to do, Kara pushed Alex into the kitchen counter behind her and lowered her head, pressing their lips together insistently.

 

Alex breathed in sharply, her eyes snapping shut involuntarily.

 

Her hands had left Kara’s wrists and were instead looking for some kind of support on the kitchen counter behind her without breaking anything.

 

Kara kissed her desperately, like she’d been building up to this moment her entire life, her lips soft, yet demanding. Her grip on Alex’s shirt did not loosen as she pressed her more intensely into the counter, their kiss turning sloppy and open-mouthed.

 

Kissing Kara was like being bathed in sunlight all over again. Like taking a breath of fresh air after a long day locked up in her office. Like everything she’d ever dreamed of and more.

 

When Alex felt the edge of the counter give way under her vice-grip and crumble in her palm, she pulled away sharply from their kiss.

 

They were both breathing hard and Alex was trembling all over, her eyes half-lidded. There was so much desire coiling in her gut like a snake, but she couldn’t be weak now, not after she’d been strong for the last fourteen years.

 

She swallowed hard as she pried Kara’s hands away from her shirt and stepped out of her personal space, pointedly avoiding eye-contact.

 

“I’m going to take that shower now,” Alex said, angrily eyeing the counter she’d destroyed. She’d lost control, that couldn’t happen again.

 

“Alex…” Kara tried, her hand reaching out for Alex’s sleeve, hurt when she pulled away before they could make contact.

 

“No, Kara, just- I need a shower. I can’t do this.” She walked away briskly, tearing the bathroom door nearly off its hinges. She was worked up now. A shower would help.

 

Kara’s eyes found the floor as she heard the door to the bathroom clang shut.

 

She’d really screwed up this time.

 

-

 

After their kiss, Alex hadn’t wanted to stay at Kara’s apartment, but she also knew it wouldn’t be wise for her to be on her own, just in case some of Kara’s powers decided they’d make their appearance while she was by herself.

 

It was awkward, to say the least, when Alex finally left the bathroom, hair still damp and dressed in some of Kara’s comfortable clothes. Kara was sitting at the kitchen counter, running her hands over the indentations left by Alex’s hands.

 

She’d changed out of her Supergirl outfit but hadn’t bothered to put on her glasses. There was no need to pretend here with Alex.

 

“I’m sorry,” were the first words out of Kara’s mouth.

 

She didn’t say anything else and wouldn’t meet Alex’s eyes, her hand going back to the indentations in the stone counter over and over again, as if she hoped it would cut her if she tried for long enough. The sight was jarring and Alex hated that she’d let things come to this.

 

There had always been that undercurrent of love between them, different from the feelings that sisters shared. But she’d constantly had good reason for why she never acted on her feelings towards Kara and why she never encouraged Kara’s own.

 

First, there had been Alex’s feelings of responsibility, further enforced by her mother telling her to put Kara’s needs and desires before her own at all costs.

 

Then, there had been college and the feeling of holding Kara back from living up to her full potential. In an effort to keep Kara from dragging her sister and subsequently her safety net around with her at all times, Alex had distanced herself.

 

Later, there’d been the D.E.O. and that feeling of betrayal Alex couldn’t quite squash, like she was lying to Kara every time she saw her. She hadn’t wanted to add an extra layer of deception to the mix by becoming romantically involved with her.

 

And now that they were finally sort of back to normal, there was the whole dying thing. It was going to be hard enough for Kara to lose a sister, but a _lover_? That was not a decision Alex was going to make out of a selfish desire to be with Kara.

 

She knew she was being patronizing and that Kara could and would make her own choices, no matter what Alex thought was best, but that didn’t mean she was going to stop trying. Now, though, there was one thing she could do.

 

She could say no.

 

“I’m sorry, too,” Alex breathed, settling herself on the couch and pulling her legs up. “But I don’t think this is a good idea, Kara. Not now.”

 

_Not ever_ , was what she didn’t say.

 

She couldn’t bring herself to tell Kara that she didn’t feel the same, couldn’t tell the lie she knew would make this easier on both of them. It would never be true, no matter how much she might wish it was. She would always love Kara, there was no denying that simple and yet so devastating truth.

 

She watched as Kara swallowed hard, her face partially hidden behind a curtain of hair. Her hands had not let up their motions.

 

At a loss for what to say, Alex tried changing the subject.

 

“When J’onn comes back, I think we should go in and start working on my powers. I want to be ready the next time Astra and Non attack.” It might not have been the best move to start talking about the root of their problems, but Alex didn’t know what else to do.

 

Whatever she decided, she’d end up hurting Kara in the process.

 

“Yeah,” Kara breathed, her knuckles white as she gripped the edge of the broken counter.

 

She didn’t say anything else and Alex was quiet.

 

They stayed like that until it got dark outside, shrouded by silence and drowned by their own miseries. When it came to sleep, Kara curled up in her bed and Alex sprawled out on the couch.

 

When sleep finally claimed her, Alex had a brief thought that maybe her thinking was all screwed up, if staying away from Kara meant being by herself. Meant they’d both be lonely and broken-hearted.

 

Before she could grasp the thought more firmly, she was asleep.

 

-

 

Alex woke to the sound of her phone blaring out her D.E.O. ringtone.

 

At some point during the last year, Kara had gotten her hands on Alex’s phone and had changed all of her standard-issue and, according to Kara, boring ringtones out for specialized ones.

 

Now, the _Law & Order_ theme song left a bitter taste in Alex’s mouth.

 

Her super hearing under control and fine-tuned to her sister’s frequency, Alex could hear Kara’s breathing from the other room. She was obviously awake, too, though trying not to show it. Sighing softly, Alex picked up her phone from where she’d tossed it onto the coffee table last night and clicked the accept button, holding the phone close to her ear.

 

“Danvers here, what’s up,” she spoke as she slowly rubbed her eyes. It was still dark out, which meant they probably hadn’t been asleep for long. Alex was used to short stretches of sleep, but she’d never felt this awake after a rest. She had a feeling it had something to do with Kara’s Kryptonian DNA taking root in her system.

 

“It’s Director Henshaw, you’re needed at headquarters. I want to start your training as soon as possible. Bring Supergirl.” J’onn’s voice was disgruntled, like he hadn’t been able to find what he was looking for.

 

“Yes, sir, we will be right there.”

 

He grunted his assent and she disconnected the call.

 

If J’onn sounded unhappy, that meant he hadn’t been able to find a magical cure for her problem. If she was completely honest with herself, she had been somewhat hopeful that J’onn would come through for her, and it rattled her slightly.

 

Just because she’d made peace with her fate didn’t mean she couldn’t hate every second of it.

 

“We’re needed at base, Kara. You need to get dressed so we can start my training,” Alex said, already standing up and walking over to Kara’s closet. She always kept a spare change of D.E.O. clothes at her sister’s apartment now.

 

When she didn’t hear any rustling from the bed, she looked over to find Kara staring at her.

 

“How can you be so calm about this?” Kara’s voice was small, like she was afraid a sudden movement or noise on her part was going to send Alex away or break her carefully crafted veneer.

 

“I have to be,” Alex answered pragmatically, facing away from Kara as she slipped out of the t-shirt she’d slept in. She could feel Kara’s eyes on her back. “I can stew in self-pity all day long, but in the end it won’t get us anywhere.” She slipped on one of her regular D.E.O.-approved sports bras and followed it up with the standard-issue polo shirt.

 

“You don’t have to be strong all the time,” Kara whispered, her voice a mixture of pain and remorse, like her throat was working on swallowing pieces of glass every time she opened her mouth.

 

Alex stilled, her jaw clenched tightly, her back rigid.

 

She was at a loss.

 

“It’s okay to _not to be okay_ for once, Alex. No one expects you to bounce back from this right away.” Finally, Alex heard the rustling of sheets, the pitter-patter of feet, felt the arms sliding around her body and hugging her tightly. “I know you, I know you think you have to be strong for me all the time, but we aren’t kids anymore. It’s okay, you can let go.”

 

Her eyes squeezed shut, Alex sagged in Kara’s arms, her head falling back to rest against her sister’s strong shoulder.

 

The thing was, she didn’t _want_ to let go.

 

Letting go meant giving up what little control she still had over the situation.

 

Letting go meant giving in to fear, to sorrow, to the feeling of pain she felt every time she looked at Kara and realized she wouldn’t be around to see her fulfill her full potential. Letting go meant giving in to Astra and Non and Lord and all the other bastards who were making their lives so very difficult.

 

Kara’s words reminded her of her father, the way he’d always been there to catch her if she reached too high and fell too far. His voice kind, as she was six and didn’t know how to get down from the tree in their backyard. His words reassuring, his tone steady. _Hey buddy, it’s cool now, you can let go_. _I’ll catch you._ His smiling face.

 

_You can let go_.

 

Except that she couldn’t. Not now, maybe not ever again.

 

“Let’s just get to work, okay? J’onn will be waiting for us.” Stroking Kara’s arms softly, she untangled herself, took a step away from her sister and slipped her pants down her legs. Her underwear was next. They’d never been uncomfortable undressing in front of the other and Alex wasn’t about to start thinking about it now, just because they’d kissed. “You need to get ready, too.”

 

Alex could tell that Kara wasn’t happy with her response or her hard-headedness, but she couldn’t help her reaction. She wasn’t about to let go, give in, lose the game.

 

Stepping into the rest of her training gear, Alex made her way into the bathroom to clean her teeth. This was going to be a long day; she could feel it.

 

-

 

They were at the D.E.O. in less than thirty minutes, Kara flying them quickly through the dark air. The breeze still felt wonderful on Alex’s skin, but now that she couldn’t see the sun, the experience wasn’t as life-changing as their other flight had been only a few hours ago.

 

J’onn was waiting for them in the main room, the halls a little more deserted than they usually were, given the late hour.

 

It was three in the morning now.

 

Official D.E.O. business usually didn’t start until four.

 

“Supergirl, Agent Danvers, let’s not waste any more time, shall we?” J’onn greeted them gruffly, stalking briskly towards where Alex knew their training rooms were located. Neither woman spoke as they followed him down the hall and into an elevator. “I think it would be best if we started work in hangar three today.”

 

Hangar three was specifically designed for alien training, though they hadn’t ever had much reason to use it. It held some reinforced training dummies, mats and other useful materials.

 

Today, it would finally come in handy.

 

“Which power do you think we should start with, Kara? You’re the Kryptonian expert,” Alex said as they reached their destination and entered hangar three. Alex left her gun and badge by the door and undid the belts around her thighs that usually held her supplies. She wouldn’t need them right now.

 

Kara looked stricken, worrying her bottom lip and crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, her eyes flitting from Alex to J’onn. Did they really expect her to make this decision? Decide on which power would likely send Alex into her grave the fastest because she’d used it the most? But Alex’s eyes were pleading her now, imploring her to go along with it, to be okay with how things were progressing, and she didn’t want to let her sister down any more than she already had. “I-I guess the heat vision would probably come in handy. Maybe you should start with that.”

 

Alex’s smile was grateful.

 

“Heat vision it is,” she said, shaking out her shoulders, arms, and hands. “So, how do I do this?”

 

J’onn’s arms were folded, too, his expression grim and serious.

 

“If we’re going to be dealing with fire, you should use the fire-safe test dummies over here,” he said, gesturing over to a group of dusty dummies in a far corner. They were black with red crosshairs painted on them. “Try not to shoot at anything else, I don’t want to have to replace this stuff.”

 

“I learned how to use my heat vision using watermelons,” Kara told him as they walked over, a small smile slipping onto her face at the happy memory. “Alex and Eliza tried to get me to burn a smiley face into them, but.” Kara chanced a glance at Alex’s unimpressed expression, hoping she’d pick up the story without having to say a word.

 

“But she made the things explode instead, drenching us all in hot watermelon bits. Not exactly one of my most cherished memories.” But Alex’s voice was full of affection, despite her serious manner. “How many watermelons did it take you until you got it right? Twenty?”

 

Kara blustered at those words.

 

“T-That is a gross exaggeration of the facts! Do not believe a word out of her mouth!” At Alex’s raised eyebrow, Kara deflated a bit. “Okay fine, so, maybe—it took me like, thirteen of them until I got it. But you try to learn how to control your powers without anyone around to teach you! Clark was really busy being Superman!”

 

“I swear, I could smell the watermelon on my hair for over a week after that. You know I haven’t had a single slice of watermelon since then? You ruined watermelon for me, Kara, _ruined_ ,” Alex finished telling the story, the laughter lines around her eyes crinkling for the first time in six days.

 

Kara laughed, unperturbed for a moment by the hard reality all around them.

 

It even pulled a smile from J’onn’s stern lips, though only for a second before he forced it away again.

 

“I’m afraid all we can offer are these very expensive trial dummies. They’ll have to do,” he said, walking over to them and brushing some of the dust off. “Please try not to hit me with your heat vision, Alex. Martians and fire don’t mix well.”

 

He walked a few steps away and Kara joined him as Alex got into position in front of one of the dummies, her body automatically falling into a fighting stance.

 

Now all she had to do, was… to shoot laser fire from her eyes.

 

Easy.

 

She’d arguably accomplished more difficult tasks. This would be a piece of cake in comparison.

 

Except… she had no idea where to start or how to do this. At all.

 

Sighing inwardly, she turned to Kara.

 

“Okay, I’m ready, Kara. Tell me what to do.” Unexpectedly, a vague memory surfaced in Alex’s mind, of a red-faced Kara standing in front of Alex and Eliza, not wanting to tell them what had triggered her heat vision in the first place. It had been during the high-time of summer and the air had been humid, clinging to their clothes. Alex had been working on a paper in her room and Kara had been doing her own homework. And then there had been fire and panic and new superpowers. And a terrified, babbling Kara.

 

Maybe now she’d finally figure out what all of that was about.

 

When no instructions were forthcoming, Alex looked away from the dummy and towards her sister, her fighting stance loosening unconsciously.

 

Kara’s face was stricken as she looked in between Alex and J’onn, obviously uncomfortable for some reason. Alex’s eyebrows furrowed of their own accord.

 

“Kara? What’s the matter? Did you forget how your own heat vision works?” It was meant as a joke, but Kara obviously wasn’t open to humor at the moment. She chanced another look at J’onn’s face before swiftly walking over to Alex and leaning close to her so they wouldn’t be overheard.

 

“Talking about this in front of J’onn is weird, okay, just for the record,” Kara whispered hurriedly, clearing her throat in embarrassment. “When you want to use your heat vision, you need to communicate that to your eyes so they contract a different way than when you want to use your x-ray or micro-vision.”

 

“Micro-vision? What the?”

 

“Clark named them, okay, just, don’t ask,” Kara said, her voice barely audible now. “That’s not the point, anyway.” She looked back over to J’onn nervously, ensuring that he wasn’t listening. He was still standing where she had left him, his left eyebrow raised but otherwise seemingly unperturbed. “It helps to start things off, if you think about… things that get you excited.”

 

Alex narrowed her eyes.

 

“Excited _how_? What, am I supposed to be thinking of puppies, kittens, or grenade launchers? I don’t get it, how is that supposed to trigger the heat vision?” Kara’s mouth twisted into a grimace and she grumbled out a word Alex didn’t catch.

 

“You need to think about _sex_ , okay. Or, I mean, not technically sex, just— _things_. Things that get you _that_ kind of excited.” Kara was whispering furiously now, still trying to ensure that J’onn would not be able to overhear them. Talking about this at all was awkward enough, but talking about it in front of him? Unthinkable.

 

Face flushing, Alex mouth formed a perfect O as she regarded her sister.

 

“Wait, so, when you were sixteen and you got your heat vision, you were thinking about,” Alex stopped talking, then, but not for long. “Who--?” At Kara’s wounded look Alex wished she hadn’t asked. Because of course, _of course_. They’d been at this game for over ten years now.

 

Well, it was about to come to a close.

 

“Okay, sure, fine, heat vision. I can do that,” Alex said, subtly stepping back from Kara and turning back to the dummy. “You should get back to J’onn; I don’t want to make this messy or accidentally hit you.”

 

When Kara was back at J’onn’s side, her face still red, Alex focused all of her concentration on the target.

 

She wondered briefly why her heat vision hadn’t triggered last night in the kitchen with Kara pressed so tightly against her. She’d been plenty aroused by their passionate kiss, that was for sure. Then again, maybe her own fear had been too overwhelming for the power to take root. She’d never been so overwhelmed and scared in her life. If she was honest with herself, sex had been the furthest thing from her mind.

 

Still, as she deliberated now on what had happened, her thoughts drifted back to Kara’s hands clutching her polo shirt firmly, at the way her lips had brushed so strongly against Alex. It was a kiss unlike any other Alex had ever felt, which she supposed was mainly due to the fact that she was in love with Kara and had been for a long time.

 

Kissing Kara had been like a dream come true.

 

How she wished she could have let her hands run over Kara’s body, let them slip under that Supergirl skirt and hoist Kara up into the air. She might have pushed her onto the counter or brought her down on the couch. Or the _bed_. And they would have made love and Kara would have been happy, would have smiled into their kisses, all sunshine and wonder. And Kara would have come undone beneath her and she would have been beautiful and it would have been the perfect moment.

 

Alex swallowed hard as she imagined touching Kara so intimately, imagined her hand sliding over smooth skin and into slick heat.

 

She could detect the sharp burning sensation in the back of her eyes first, rapidly making its way through her pupil and into the open air. It was a strange display, seeing the dummy and the bright blue laser beam at the same time. There was a tightness to her eyes and while she knew that the heat vision was supposed to be sizzling hot, all it left was a pleasant tingling in her eyeballs and the skin surrounding them.

 

Trying to keep track of which muscles she’d need to use next time, she shifted her eyes slightly so she could hit a different target on the dummy. It was difficult, keeping her head steady enough so she wouldn’t miss the target entirely.

 

She was still thinking about touching Kara when she finally forced her eyes to relax. It wouldn’t do well to burst into flames when they were out and about. She’d need to train herself to stay focused and fire-free for those moments between her and Kara when her libido got the best of her.

 

Issuing another experiment, Alex refocused on the bedraggled dummy and breathed in deeply.

 

-

 

Kara was watching it all in fascination, squirming in excitement next to J’onn. Seeing Alex using her heat vision was unexpectedly thrilling for Kara. It was a primal feeling as she wondered what Alex was thinking about. She hoped fervently that her sister was thinking of _her_ , even though she’d been thoroughly rebuffed last night.

 

The kiss had been an impulsive and ultimately stupid decision, but Kara didn’t regret a second of it. Finally feeling Alex’s lips on her own had broken something open inside of Kara, a feeling she’d been trying to suppress for far too long.

 

Just because Alex didn’t want to talk about what was clearly between them didn’t mean that Kara had to listen to her. She wasn’t going to wait around for Alex to die only to live the rest of her life in regret that they’d never taken that final step.

 

Losing Alex would quite possibly break her apart. It didn’t matter whether or not they’d ever been together, if she lost a sister or a lover.

 

But losing Alex without being able to kiss her during those final weeks would be hell and Kara would not take her decision lying down. She would not subject them both to loneliness and sorrow just because Alex thought she knew what was best for her.

 

-

 

When Alex felt comfortable with the grip she had on her heat vision, they moved on to flying, something that Alex was simultaneously terrified of and extremely excited for. Flying had always been like a final frontier to Alex. She could live without the fire shooting from her eyes and the super strength and the skin of steel, but _flying_?

 

Being able to fly was better than all of those things combined.

 

They had moved onto the mats in the middle of the room and J’onn had taken off his gun and badge, too.

 

This power he could help her with. He’d been flying for far longer than Kara had and would be able to show her some useful maneuvers, even if their flying abilities originated from different places.

 

“Okay, I’m ready, make me fly,” Alex said, bouncing softly from one foot to the other as though she were a boxer ready for the big fight. Her elation was almost palpable and it gave Kara a thrill of pleasure to see her sister so enthusiastic, despite the dire circumstances.

 

On this, J’onn deferred to Kara. As his flying was caused by his telekinesis and not by the way his cells reacted to earth’s yellow sun, he knew he wouldn’t be much help in this case. He didn’t know how to explain the molecular changes that occurred to make Kryptonians lighter than air.

 

Kara had a hard time putting it all into words herself, though.

 

“Well, it’s sort of a full-body experience. You just,” she said, furrowing her brows and thinking about how to put it, “you just kind of take off and start flying. I think it would be best if you stop thinking of yourself as earth-bound, because you’re really not anymore. I know Clark had some trouble with his flying at first, because he still thought of himself as a human.”

 

The reality of the situation sank into Kara’s gut like a boulder, but she pushed it aside. The fact that Alex wasn’t human anymore because of _her_ would have to wait.

 

Steeling herself, Kara tried channeling Alex’s iron will and pushed her emotions aside. Now wasn’t the time to think about all the things they’d lost. Now was the time to start thinking about what could be gained from this situation. At least for the moment.

 

“’Just start flying’ is your advice?” Alex said, scoffing softly. “Great, I can’t imagine why I’m not in the air already.”

 

The snark was sharp, but not meant to cut.

 

It was followed by a smile, which only served to cause blood to shoot into Kara’s cheeks.

 

“It’s difficult to explain! I’ve never had to think about it before, I just always knew how to fly. Just _try to fly_ , I’m sure it’ll work!” Crossing her arms defiantly, Kara cocked her left hip and raised her eyebrows in a clear challenge.

 

Alex sighed, but obliged.

 

Shaking out her arms again, Alex focused her mind on the concept of leaving the ground. Maybe if she jumped up and down a little her body would get used to being in the air? No, that would look ridiculous. Maybe if she tried to jump really high using all of her strength? Well, definitely not _all_ of her strength. She’d have to consider the ceiling. It was high, but not that high.

 

Unbidden, R. Kelly’s _I Believe I Can Fly_ infiltrated her mind, but she pushed it away, suppressing a smirk. Kara had loved to play the song for days on end when she’d first come to earth. Ultimately, after she’d listened to it for over two weeks in a row, the novelty had worn off a bit, a great relief to all the members of the Danvers household.

 

Still, the song had brought great comfort to Kara after she’d arrived. Had brought comfort to a little girl trapped on an alien planet with only one other person who was like her. A person who couldn’t always stay around, because he had bigger and more important things to worry about.

 

Alex very clearly remembered Kara begging her to burn the song onto a CD so she could listen to it while she was outside the house, too. Alex had never been more grateful for the invention of headphones. Not that it had mattered in the end, since R. Kelly’s singing had just been replaced with Kara singing along while the song played on her Discman, but Kara’s voice was nice and melodious, so Alex was much more exasperated than annoyed.

 

Indulging her memories for a second longer, Alex thought back to Kara’s first birthday on earth, how devastated she’d been to be reminded of her parents being dead, unable to be with her on her special day. She remembered, too, how Kara’s eyes had lit up with wonder at the two matching _I Believe I Can Fly_ t-shirts that Alex had hand-made over a vigorous six-hour session in her room. Carefully crafted while the door was locked and Kara had moped around downstairs because Alex was busy.

 

She felt as though she could still feel the hug on her skin now, if she really tried. Could feel the tears of happiness cried into her shoulder.

 

Shaking her head softly, Alex forcefully hauled herself back to the now and to the task at hand. _Flying_. Without Kara. By herself.

 

Steeling her body, Alex decided on a plan of action.

 

She’d jump, using a _fraction_ of her strength, and then she’d figure out what to do next while she was in the air. It seemed more plausible than _just starting to fly_ without having any clue about how to do it. A better plan likely wouldn’t present itself to her.

 

“Alright, step back. I’m going to try this now,” Alex said as she chanced a look at the ceiling. Pretty far. She shouldn’t have any problems with it if she concentrated hard enough. Shaking out her shoulders one final time, she gently lowered herself into a crouching position.

 

“Alex, what are you doing? You’re just trying to float; you’re not really going to-.” But it was too late and Alex had already pushed herself off the ground and into the air, only slightly misjudging the amount of strength she’d need to get herself catapulted upwards.

 

With a resounding cracking sound, Alex crashed straight into the ceiling.

 

Her back took the brunt of the impact, causing debris to rain down on Kara and J’onn as Alex desperately tried to keep herself afloat and from crashing right back into the ground.

 

It was of no use.

 

With all the grace and elegance of a stone, arms flailing around uncontrollably, Alex hit the mat below, landing on her stomach and emitting a loud wheezing sound as she made impact.

 

Coughing slightly, she pushed herself onto her arms and snuck a glance at J’onn, his face covered in dusty white powder, his shoulders littered with tiny pieces of concrete. He hadn’t moved, his arms were still folded. He looked a bit like a statue. A very angry statue.

 

Kara rushed forward immediately, gripping Alex’s face and turning it to all sides to assess the damage. Her hands slipped over Alex’s back in search of any serious injury or blood, coming up empty.

 

“Are you okay?” She sounded only slightly frantic.

 

“I’m okay. Superhuman skin, remember? Danvers of steel. I’m totally fine, don’t worry about it. I just miscalculated a bit on how strong my thighs are now. I’ll do better next time.” Alex tried to smile, but Kara’s worried face sobered her a bit. “I’m really okay, Kara. Nothing’s broken, nothing’s hurt. See?” She moved her arms and back. “One-hundred percent fit for duty.”

 

“You won’t be fit for duty until you manage to gain control over your powers,” J’onn grumbled, finally deigning to wipe the dust off his face. “I’ll go get myself cleaned up. You should do the same.” He was still grumbling softly as he left through the hangar door.

 

It yanked a laugh from Alex’s throat and a small smile from Kara’s lips.

 

“I’m really, really okay, I _promise_ ,” Alex repeated, pushing herself to her feet. “Now, will you please give me some proper instructions about flying? I don’t think I’m a natural like you.” She didn’t care that her hair was giving off puffs of dust, she just wanted to learn.

 

“I don’t know, Alex, I’m sorry,” Kara started, unsure about how best to describe the feeling. “I guess…” She hesitated, drawing in a deep breath before releasing it again. “I guess it feels like—like what being truly _free_ feels like. Like I can do anything.” She shrugged apologetically, knowing the description wasn’t particularly helpful. “But, mostly, it just feels like happiness. Like what I feel… when I’m with you.”

 

It was a risky move, but Kara couldn’t have cared less.

 

Either Alex was going to take the bait, or she wasn’t. Kara hadn’t said anything too out of the ordinary. They regularly affirmed that they were still the most important person in each other’s lives. This shouldn’t have been any different.

 

Except, with their kiss and with the awkwardness still hovering closely between them, it was.

 

The smile on Alex’s lips died and she sighed heavily, before taking a step back.

 

“Kara…” She started, unsure of what to say to make Kara understand that she wanted nothing more than to be with her, but that she _couldn’t_. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to put the feeling into words. That feeling of longing and regret.

 

Thankfully, she didn’t have to try, because Kara just smiled sadly and shook her head.

 

“I know, you’re not ready to talk about it and that’s okay, we can talk about it after you get this thing under control.” She really did get it, even though she fundamentally disagreed with what she thought Alex’s motives were for keeping them apart.

 

“Maybe you should try thinking about something that makes you happy,” Kara said, placing her hands at her waist in her typical superhero pose. “Clark told me that he floated properly for the first time when he finally danced with Lois and felt at peace with his destiny and feelings for her.” She waved around her hand to illustrate her point. “I’m not suggesting that we dance or anything, but maybe what he told me can I inspire you?”

 

What Kara had suggested struck a chord with Alex.

 

Maybe it was the fact that Kara had mentioned so casually and without fanfare that she considered what they had comparable to Lois and Clark, a love story for the ages. Or maybe it was just Kara’s hopeful face, giving her space and pulling her closer all at once.

 

She looked down at the ground and imagined herself floating away from it, imagined the feeling she had when Kara held her in her arms as she flew. Envisioned Kara’s hands as they grasped her tightly. The joy she could clearly see written across Kara’s face every time she started to fly.

 

She also thought of all the happy moments they’d had over the years.

 

Kara curled around her on a stormy night, afraid of Earth’s thunder, so much louder than Krypton’s. Kara’s arms gripping her tightly and her head pushed under Alex’s chin, shivering but comforted.

 

Kara’s proud expression as she finally burned that smiling face into the watermelon without making it explode and running to Alex to wrap her arms around her.

 

Feeling Kara hug her back a month after she came to earth, because she wasn’t afraid of hurting her anymore.

 

Kara telling her that she loved her for the first time.

 

Kara’s brilliant smile, directed at her right now.

 

Kara’s beautiful face.

 

_Kara_.

 

It was a strange feeling, leaving the ground. She didn’t lose eye contact with her sister as she sensed her feet floating into the air. It was altogether a weird but satisfying experience, as though her body had suddenly decided it didn’t need gravity to stay whole anymore. Like her cells had turned into the air itself.

 

She was one with the air around her. She was strength and power.

 

Kara had been right, there couldn’t have been a way for her to describe what Alex’s body was doing right now. How should she have explained the feeling of her entire body spreading out and caving in all at once? The sensation of the air supporting her, of her muscles relaxing with the movements.

 

“This is incredible,” Alex breathed as she finally looked away from Kara and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back softly and enjoying herself. “I can’t believe you didn’t fly for years, Kara, this is amazing.”

 

She felt the shift in the atmosphere as Kara herself left the ground, the air flowing around her.

 

“I know, but it’s not exactly conducive to staying hidden and un-alien-like if you go around flying too much. I did miss it, though. There’s nothing quite like it.” Kara’s voice was close and Alex could feel the subtle motions in the air around her while Kara moved through it.

 

Opening her eyes, Alex’s gaze searched for Kara’s, but she’d already moved further up the room and was hovering just under the ceiling, watching her.

 

“We should probably go outside to train some of the more advanced flying maneuvers,” Alex said as she tried to propel herself further up, her body wobbly as she shot straight up of its own accord, crashing right back into the ceiling. “Fuck, not _again_.”

 

This time, Kara just laughed.

 

“J’onn is going to be so pissed at you for wrecking his precious training room,” Kara’s words were distorted by laugher, tears streaming down her face as Alex glared at her.

 

“This isn’t funny!” Alex protested as she tried to remove some of the sharper pieces of concrete from the back of her ruined polo shirt. “How am I supposed to kick everyone’s asses if I keep kicking my own ass instead?”

 

Kara’s laughter dried up quickly.

 

“You could let us take care of you for once and leave everyone’s asses alone for a while. I told you, we don’t have to do this right now,” Kara’s voice was stone and Alex didn’t like it one bit.

 

A hard Kara was a hurt Kara.

 

“I need to do this now, Kara, before another shitty thing happens. I need to be prepared to help you and I really need you to understand that. I don’t want to keep fighting you on this,” Alex said as she – gently, oh so gently – floated back to the ground. “There’s nothing we can do about the power transfer and frankly, I’d rather do something useful with the powers while I’ve got them.”

 

They hadn’t fought often before Kara reimagined herself as Supergirl and National City’s savior. Even after Kara’s big coming out rescue, they hadn’t fought terribly much and Alex was tiring of it quickly. They weren’t supposed to be like this.

 

“Every time you use your powers, your body grows weaker. My mom’s hologram said that most humans had about three weeks to a month and I don’t want to cut that time short by having you fight everyone. Not on my watch!” Kara floated down much quicker and her landing was much more graceful than Alex’s had been, but she was still shaking, angry about what Alex kept insisting on.

 

“I’m not going to sit around and not use these powers if they can help me get rid of our enemies. I don’t want to die knowing I left you behind, facing all of them by yourself.” Alex’s chest was heaving now, angry and confused and frustrated. “I love you too much for that. This isn’t about some vendetta or death wish I have, this is about what I want for you and your future!”

 

“My future won’t be worth anything if you’re not in it, Alex!” Kara was pretty sure she was shouting now. She hadn’t ever truly had cause to shout at Alex like this, not while her face was flush with anger and her eyes were narrowed dangerously. She didn’t like the feeling, didn’t like how the color drained from Alex’s face or how her fists were shaking at her sides.

 

“You know that if I had the choice, I’d choose to stay with you, Kara, but I _don’t_. The sooner you and I both learn to accept that, the better off we’ll be,” Alex’s voice was raised as well, though hers was much shakier than Kara’s. Seeing Kara so close to the breaking point was tearing her up inside. She wanted to fix it, but she didn’t know _how_.

 

Taking a step towards her shaking sister, Alex slowly wrapped one arm around Kara’s back and buried one in her hair, pulling her into her own body. They fit together perfectly. Not hesitating for a moment, Kara slung her own arms around Alex and clutched her tightly, burying her head in Alex’s shoulder.

 

“I don’t know what to do, Alex. I don’t know how to help you,” Kara whispered unsteadily, her fingers burying themselves in the destroyed fabric of Alex’s polo shirt. She felt for the unharmed skin underneath, finding comfort for a moment in the knowledge that Alex wasn’t falling apart. Not yet.

 

“I know,” Alex said, stroking Kara’s hair gently and pressing a kiss to Kara’s head. She didn’t know how to go on, what to say to a person whose entire world was falling apart over the span of a week. Didn’t know how to reconcile her own death with her sister.

 

It was insidiously cruel, to have her live just long enough to see the ruination of the most important person in her life and to be the cause of it at the same time.

 

-

 

They stood on the mat for about ten minutes, clinging to one another desperately, and unwilling to let go. As though they were both afraid the other would break if they allowed themselves to part for even a second.

 

“I love you,” Kara finally mumbled, nuzzling Alex’s neck with her nose and keeping her eyes closed tightly.

 

“I know,” Alex replied, pressing another kiss against Kara’s hair. “I love you, too. I always will.”

 

Kara’s grip tightened at this as she placed a soft kiss on Alex’s throat.

 

_Please don’t leave me_ , she wanted to say, _please stay_. _Please don’t leave me alone on this planet_. _Please, I’ll miss you too much, I can’t do this without you_.

 

But she kept her lips shut tight and her thoughts to herself. Saying them would only make herself feel better, they wouldn’t do anything to ease Alex’s mind. All they would accomplish would be to make Alex feel guilty and miserable.

 

She didn’t say a thing.

 

Kara was grateful when J’onn reentered the room in new clothes and with his face scrubbed clean of debris. She watched as he surveyed the ceiling again, frowning at the even bigger hole. He didn’t say anything as they parted, Kara letting her hands slide down Alex’s arms, not ready to let her go.

 

“We have a situation with our prisoner. We’re contemplating using the same kryptonite cocktail to interrogate him that General Lane used on Astra, but I wanted to get your opinion on it first. If it worked on her, it might work on Tra-Gob,” he said without fanfare, his arms crossed over his chest again, his favorite position.

 

“Except that it didn’t work on Astra and we were led to a hangar full of explosives that killed most of General Lane’s men,” Alex supplied helpfully, mimicking J’onn’s stance. “Besides, I don’t think we’ll get anything out of him. He’s loyal to Non and Astra and he’s been trained well. As I understand it, he hasn’t responded to even one of our interrogation techniques. All we’ll get out of it is bad intel and another trap.”

 

It was frustrating, no doubt about it, but there likely wasn’t anything they could do to break his resolve. Not even torture, presumably.

 

“Still, if we want to find out why they keep targeting Lord Industries, we need to utilize all of our resources.” Just because it was necessary didn’t mean he was happy about it. He abhorred torture on principle, no matter who it was used against.

 

“I can still hear Astra’s screams. I don’t think we should do it,” Alex said, shaking her head softly. “It’s not worth it. You saw the footage of her interrogation, it was like her skin was being cracked open by the kryptonite. She was in unimaginable pain. I don’t want to inflict that on another person.”

 

Until now, Kara had been silently observing their conversation.

 

“I say we do it,” Kara said, her hands balled into fists at her sides, though they weren’t shaking now. They were strong and determined. “They set a bomb in the power station, they tried to cut the power to hundreds of people in the city and they keep taking substances or equipment from Lord he won’t tell us about. They’re up to something and we need to know what that is if we want to stop them.”

 

Alex stared.

 

Kara had been so adamant about not using the kryptonite solution on her aunt and while some of that surely stemmed from their familial connection, Alex had thought she would have been against the idea regardless of who it was to be used against. And now she was recommending they use the substance anyway? Something about that did not add up.

 

“No,” Alex said vehemently, “we can’t just flood his body with kryptonite. You remember what Astra was like. Kara…”

 

“Yes, I do, but you know what I also remember? Shielding your body with mine as the world exploded around us. Being so afraid that I wasn’t covering even an _inch_ of you, that the debris would crush us, that the electrical charge would kill you. And you know what I also remember? I remember you being in a coma for _five days_ and Non smirking at us as he set off the bomb. I remember, Alex, I remember everything.”

 

The words were like a slap to the face.

 

“So what,” Alex started, the muscles in her arms twitching as her fingernails bored into them, “now you want to torture Tra-Gob for information he’s not going to share with us? To what end?” It wasn’t like Kara to act this way.

 

A muscle in Kara’s jaw twitched as she looked away angrily.

 

“This isn’t like you,” Alex said before turning back to J’onn. “Really, J’onn, I don’t think it’s a good idea. He’s not going to spill his guts just because we set his blood on fire. Now, unless you have some kind of magical doodad that allows you to read his mind, I really don’t see how this is going to work.”

 

J’onn’s face was grim as he contemplated her words.

 

So far as he knew, there wasn’t a substance on earth that could allow him to read a Kryptonian’s mind. He couldn’t even use his telepathy on Kara the week she lost her powers and was effectively human for a time. Kryptonian brain activity just worked differently.

 

“We have no choice, Alex. There’s nothing else left. Trust me, I hate this as much as you do, but my hands are tied,” he said, voice bitter with the realization. “Astra and her people attacked another lab yesterday when you were just waking up. I don’t think they’re going to stop until they have everything they need and I am afraid to find out what that will mean for us.”

 

Alex had never seen him look so unhappy about taking an action.

 

“I don’t want either one of you in there while we administer the kryptonite. I need you both at full strength, just in case something else happens,” J’onn said, his voice brooking no argument. “You can watch on the monitors outside. If you want.” He gave them both a quick once-over. “And get cleaned up before you do, please. You’re covered in dirt.”

 

With a nod from Kara and a glare from Alex, J’onn walked back out of the room, his shoulders stiff with the knowledge of what he was about to do.

 

When the door swung shut behind him, Alex turned her back to Kara and let out an angry yell, her eyes sizzling hot as she let the burst of her heat vision burn one of the heat-resistant dummies in the corner.

 

“I can’t believe you encouraged him!” She exploded, her eyes back to normal and her gaze returned to Kara’s determined face. “You know what happened to Astra after Lane used that stuff on her. It’s inhumane.” She wanted to punch something really hard. The bludgeoned car came to mind. Maybe she should go there after they were done with whatever this was. New anger swelled in her gut at Kara’s unimpressed expression. “Kara, you are better than this!”

 

“Maybe I don’t want to be better than them right now, maybe what I really want is to find Non and pull his lungs out through his throat for what he did to you.” The words shot out of Kara’s mouth like bullets, though she knew she didn’t believe herself completely. Yes, she was angry. And yes, she wanted Tra-Gob to receive the injection so he would spill his secrets, but she didn’t want to kill any of them. Killing them would accomplish nothing. Killing them would only add one more useless death to her tally.

 

“You know what, forget it. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m going to get myself cleaned up,” Alex said, rubbing her temples as she stalked away. She didn’t have a migraine, but the gesture had long-since been ingrained into her from years of enduring stress headaches.

 

“Fine, let’s just not talk about it, the way we never talk about anything if it isn’t convenient for you. Just like we never talked about the fact that you are clearly in love with me and I am clearly in love with you. Let’s just never talk about it, ever,” Kara shouted after Alex’s retreating back. She was being petty now. She should put a stop to this.

 

Alex halted at her words, pivoting back on her heels, a new fire in her eyes that had nothing to do with her heat vision.

 

“That is unfair. You know _damn well_ why we never talked about it. That is not solely on me, you could have talked to me about it years ago,” Alex was breathing heavily now, her hands shaking as she gritted her teeth in frustration. “You were just as scared to take the next step as I was!”

 

They’d been playing it safe for far too long now, Kara realized, her anger suddenly gone. What Alex had said was right, she had been scared. Scared to lose her as a sister if it didn’t work out with them romantically. On top of everything else, she couldn’t have ever fathomed the thought of losing Alex, too, even to her own stupidity.

 

She’d been about to open her mouth to talk to Alex about it as her earpiece started squawking.

 

Her duties as Supergirl always had a knack for interrupting important moments.

 

This would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, less action than i wanted and more emotional stuff that these guys need to work through. I wanted this chapter to go a little differently, but then it stole my hands and ran away with them, so I'm gonna have to put all of the stuff I wanted to put in this one into THE NEXT one. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed it! yell at me in the comments
> 
> come visit me @goshdarnitjay on tumblr
> 
> next chapter will have more plot, probably


	4. a moment of peace and quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kara get called out to a new scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, it's been so long, but I am finally back! I would advise rereading the first three chapters before going into this, because whewww it's been a long time. I had to go back and reread my own stuff to finish this chapter. But I promise, this time I won't get distracted by a 400k fanfic I just needed to finish first haha. Probably.
> 
> ♥

“Supergirl, Agent Danvers, there’s another attack in progress. Kryptonian activity at a Lord Industries lab, National Avenue. Your assistance is needed; there could be civilian casualties,” Vasquez’s voice sounded calm and collected as she relayed the information to them. Kara could hear Tra-Gob’s screams from the monitors around Vasquez. She regretted saying yes to the interrogation now. Alex had been right.

 

“We’ll be right there,” Alex answered, speaking into her own earpiece. “Send back-up as quickly as possible. Supergirl and I will fly ahead.”

 

“The hell we will,” Kara exclaimed heatedly. “Alex, you’ve barely got your powers under control. You’re not going go up against Astra’s people in your state.” Kara mused that this must be what Alex felt every time she sent Kara ahead into battle, flying into the unknown. It was not a pleasant feeling. “You can’t even fly properly.”

 

“We don’t have time for this,” Alex said calmly. She grabbed Kara by the hand and started pulling her to the door. “I know that you’re worried about me and I get it, but this is neither the time nor the place. They won’t be expecting the two of us to show up with superpowers. We can use that to our advantage.”

 

Kara let herself be dragged along reluctantly, staring at the back of Alex’s head. This had the words ‘bad idea’ written all over it, but there was no way she was going to keep Alex out of this fight, especially not after their shouting match. She could see it in the stiff muscles of Alex’s shoulders.

 

What they needed was a moment of peace and quiet, so they could talk about all the things they’d been avoiding for the last fourteen years. At this rate, they were never going to get it right.

 

“We need to get cleaned up first,” Kara said weakly, pulling Alex away from the exit and towards one of the D.E.O.’s locker rooms. Hitting her earpiece, Kara spoke to Vasquez again, telling her they’d need a moment to change into some new clothes after their work-out. “Do you think the D.E.O. can handle the situation for a few minutes?”

 

Vasquez responded immediately. “Positive, Supergirl, we’ve got them surrounded. For now.”

 

Satisfied with her answer, Kara pushed her way into the room, throwing new clothes at Alex and shaking out her own hair to get rid of any lingering dust and debris.

 

Turning away from the mirror in front of her, Kara watched as Alex slipped off her ruined polo shirt, revealing strong muscles and old scars.

 

“I need you to promise me that you won’t overdo it,” Kara said, brushing dust from her shoulders and torso. “I can’t force you not to go, but I _need_ you to be careful with your new powers, _please_. If you feel yourself getting weaker at all during the fight, please, Alex, please get out of there.”

 

Alex hesitated, the new polo shirt clutched tightly in her hand.

 

She wasn’t looking at Kara, but her shoulders were still trembling slightly from the strain she was putting on them, keeping her frustration and her rage in check. Kara had never been so worried for her sister.

 

“I can’t make that promise,” Alex finally said, pulling a new shirt over her head, hiding her clenched muscles. “I’m not going to lie to you to make you feel better, Kara. If I can bring Non and Astra to justice out there today, I’m going to do it.” The _even if it kills me_ went unspoken between them. She was fiddling with her hair now, trying to brush out the last vestiges of white dust. “I know that’s not what you want to hear.”

 

Kara wrung her fingers in front of her body, her muscles now just as tightly wound as her sister’s.

 

She couldn’t bear this any longer.

 

Kara knew Alex had been conditioned from the time she was fourteen years old to put Kara’s needs ahead of her own, knew it had been ingrained into her by Eliza since she was a _child_. But this nonsense was ending now.

 

Walking those two steps over to Alex, she grabbed her cheeks with both hands, holding her head firmly in place as she looked into those gorgeous, hazel eyes.

 

They needed to go stop Astra - but first, Kara needed Alex to _understand_.

 

“Stop,” she said, forcing Alex’s eyes to stay trained forward. “Stop protecting me. You think you’re doing the right thing and you think what you’re doing is going to help me stay alive and safe, but you’re _wrong_ , Alex. There will always be more Nons and Astras and Lords, and no matter how hard you fight today, whether or not you catch them for me or not, there will be more of them after you’re gone.” Her voice cracked on the last word, the thought unbearable and omnipresent. “There is only one _you_. If you want to protect me from pain, you will listen to me and stay out of it.”

 

Alex swallowed visibly, her jaw clenching under Kara’s fingers.

 

“Kara, you know I can’t do that,” Alex pleaded, hands coming up to cover Kara’s. She didn’t look angry anymore. Now she just looked… defeated.

 

Unable to stop the impulse, Kara leaned forward and pressed a long, loving kiss against her sister’s forehead.

 

“You’re my heart, Alex. How do you expect me to live without my heart?” The words were whispered against Alex’s skin, warm and reassuring and _alive_ against Kara’s lips.

 

For a moment, neither of them said anything.

 

Then, as if summoned by the reality surrounding their tender moment of mutual destruction, Vasquez’s voice spoke into both of their earpieces, summoning them both with frantic orders.

 

Letting go of Alex’s face, Kara turned around and started walking out of the room. She’d said her piece; now she just hoped Alex would listen to her. It was doubtful, but Kara had hope. Maybe just for once, Alex would take a step back and see what her reckless acts of heroism were putting her through. Maybe.

 

She was surprised to feel Alex’s hand curl around her own.

 

“We’ll talk about this later, okay? I think it’s time,” Alex husked, voice barely audible to anyone but Kara.

 

Swallowing harshly, Kara nodded, more hope blossoming in her chest.

 

-

 

The first thing Alex noticed when they reached the lab was how chaotic the whole scene looked from above, even in the dim morning sunlight. People running around, trying to get away; D.E.O. agents with their big guns getting them to safety or alternately shooting at Astra’s and Non’s alien henchmen and women, not all of them Kryptonian. The next thing Alex took note of were the police vans and the _press_.

 

The D.E.O. and National City PD had done a decent job of keeping the press from encroaching too closely, but there were still camera flashes from every angle. Alex wondered briefly if she should’ve donned a mask before coming, or a costume like Kara’s. For a moment, she imagined herself in the Supergirl outfit, Kara and her flying side by side, an unstoppable team.

 

She banished the image from her mind.

 

There wasn’t time for that now.

 

Rushing to the ground, Alex hoped she’d stick her superhero landing without destroying half the street or looking too ridiculous on camera. Kara looked regal as ever as she touched down, her body already positioned in a fighting stance, communicating through her earpiece with Vasquez at headquarters and J’onn standing next to one of the vans, his hands curled around a kryptonite gun.

 

Alex scanned the area around them before she attempted her touchdown, unsurprised and yet annoyed that Lord had decided to line all of his walls with lead, making it impossible for her to use her newly acquired x-ray vision on the walls to see anything.

 

When she accidentally scanned through one of her colleague’s skins again, Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

She still wasn’t in complete control over any of her powers.

 

Quite frankly, she was surprised she’d even managed to fly this far, drawing on her feelings for Kara and her happiness to keep her afloat throughout the trip. If she thought about it, flying sounded an awful lot like creating a patronus in the _Harry Potter_ books to Alex.

 

Wrenching her thoughts back to the present moment, Alex forced her body to lower itself to the ground. _Slowly_. She managed not to break the concrete underneath her as she set down, though she stumbled slightly.

 

She could hear the press several feet away from them all shouting as they spotted her, no doubt excited about who the newcomer was. The new flyer. Alex didn’t look at them. They were too far away to get a good shot of her face, but she didn’t want to take too many chances today.

 

“How many unsubs do we have?” Alex shouted at J’onn over the sound of gunfire, shouting, and explosions. He looked at her sharply, no doubt less than pleased with her involvement, despite the fact that Vasquez had called her in to help out.

 

“So far we’ve identified the usual henchpeople,” he started, clenching his jaw as one of his agents was pushed through a wall. Kara flew off to help him out, but Alex stayed put, waiting to be debriefed fully before she threw herself into the scuffle. “Non, Astra, and the new man that’s been seen on all the other crime scenes who seems to be some kind of engineer, maybe, or a scientist.”

 

A window exploded somewhere behind them, Ar-Ual crashing through the air, Kara chasing after her.

 

J’onn continued, as though nothing had happened. “Commander Gor, of course. Five other Kryptonians and two Almeraci soldiers that were imprisoned in Fort Rozz for high treason against the royal family. One Jirenn named Lor-Sac.”

 

Just as he spoke the alien’s name, a gigantic, purple being with horns protruding from its skull came running out of the building, heading straight for the van they were standing next to. J’onn barely had the time to sigh before Alex was off, suddenly super-speeding shoulder-first into the alien’s gut. Alex hadn’t meant to go into super-speed, but she was untrained and raw, Kara’s power inside of her briefly taking over.

 

Lor-Sac flew backwards, grunting painfully as she crashed into a marble beam out front, the stone crumpling under her weight as though it were made of warm butter.

 

Alex stopped, staring in awe at what she’d done.

 

She didn’t have time to marvel at her own strength for long, as Lor-Sac regained her footing quickly, eyes flashing dangerously, before she released a scream of rage and charged again. Alex didn’t think she’d get in such a lucky punch for a second time, so she reached for the gun strapped to her back and pulled the huge weapon in front of her.

 

She had no idea what kind of ammunition would be needed to stop a Jirenn, but she prayed to whoever might be listening that these newly designed armored shells would be enough to drop or at least stun the alien temporarily.

 

Alex could hear Kara and Ar-Ual fighting in the air above her, landing punches and kicks on each other’s bodies. There were still civilians running around, lab techs and secretaries and people who’d merely been driving through the streets of National City before they’d been pulled into this ambush.

 

Lifting the gun quickly, Alex pulled the trigger and fired three controlled bursts of ammunition, aiming for Lor-Sac’s torso, shooting to wound, not kill, though she needn’t have worried about that. The bullets merely ricocheted off her armor and body. Alex barely managed to body roll out of Lor-Sac’s path, as the gigantic alien kept charging.

 

Strapping the gun to her back once more for later use, Alex looked to the sky to see Kara rip Ar-Ual’s new anti-kryptonite protection pin from her suit and punch her in the face.

 

Alex grinned proudly, the sight of Kara kicking the other Kryptonian in the stomach thrilling her far more than it probably should have. Which was just as well, since Lor-Sac was gearing to charge again, the horns on her head elongating dangerously. Focusing on the muscles in her eyes, Alex brought her body into a fighting stance and fired up her heat vision, aiming for the Jirenn’s legs this time.

 

Smirking triumphantly, Alex watched Lor-Sac fall, shouting angrily in a language Alex could not understand. From her tone of voice, Alex guessed the alienwas probably cussing.

 

Quickly, Alex catapulted herself into the air and onto Lor-Sac’s back, grabbing the alien’s face and slamming it harshly into the ground, hoping to knock her out cold, so her colleagues could bag and tag her. It seemed like the Jirenn had other plans, however.

 

Just as Alex was sure she’d beaten the alien into submission, she was stabbed through the shoulder by one of Lor-Sac’s spikes. Alex hadn’t anticipated the alien’s ability to grow horns from whichever body part she wanted.

 

Grunting in pain, Alex was thrown on the ground onto her back, Kara’s worried voice in her earpiece.

 

“Alex! Alex, are you okay?” A grunt followed, as another Kryptonian joined Kara’s fight with Ar-Ual. Alex could see it from where she was lying, the Jirenn next to her slowly getting back to her feet, her legs wounded and blistering from Alex’s heat vision.

 

“Alex, talk to me!” Kara sounded frantic, like she was worried Alex might be seriously injured, instead of just stunned at her own lack of foresight. She should’ve anticipated some kind of attack.

 

“I’m fine,” Alex replied, pushing herself back onto her feet, the wound on her shoulder already closing up, now that the spike was no longer inside of her. “The Jirenn just surprised me, that’s all.”

 

Just as Alex was about to fire up her heat vision one more time, a dazed Ar-Ual crashed into Lor-Sac from above, both of them skidding several feet, concrete flying in all directions.

 

Alex raised her eyes, Kara’s fist still outstretched from where she’d punched Ar-Ual.

 

D.E.O. agents swarmed around the two aliens immediately, kryptonite guns and shackles at the ready. It wouldn’t work on Lor-Sac, but it would work on Ar-Ual, now that Kara had demolished her protection pin.

 

Alex didn’t watch as they sprayed Lor-Sac with a blue liquid, the alien howling in pain as it touched her skin, her horns retreating and her body curling in on itself. It wasn’t a pretty sight, and Alex turned her head away.

 

Instead of flying up to assist Kara with the other Kryptonian, Alex super-sped around the complex, grabbing civilians and rushing them to safety, never hanging around long enough at the barricade with the reporters for them to get a picture of her, or even notice she was there at all. She was moving too fast for them to see her, and their cameras would capture nothing more than a blur, if they captured anything at all.

 

“Supergirl, are you ready to go inside?” Alex watched as Kara grabbed the other Kryptonian by the throat and crashed them both into the ground, his black uniform completely pin-free. Alex looked on proudly as Kara orchestrated a complicated throwing maneuver they’d trained for recently, throwing him directly at the D.E.O. agents waiting in the wings, their kryptonite handcuffs poised to shackle him.

 

“Ready,” Kara said, rushing over to Alex’s side, checking her shoulder for any residual damage.

 

Alex was surprised to see that there was none. The only thing that remained was a bit of blood and a tear in her shirt, nothing more. Like she’d never been stabbed at all. Being mostly Kryptonian was _weird_.

 

“When I saw that horn tear through you, I was so scared,” Kara whispered, her hand gliding over Alex’s healed skin, wiping away some of the blood. “I couldn’t see where she’d stabbed you from up there. It looked like she just—gutted you.”

Alex tried for a smile.

 

“It’s going to take more than an overgrown, purple rhinoceros-alien to take me down, Kara,” Alex said, hitting her shoe gently against the tip of Kara’s red leather boot, smiling kindly. She appreciated how much Kara worried for her, knew how her involvement in this fight was putting a huge amount of pressure and anxiety on Kara’s shoulders, but there was nothing to be done about it.

 

Now that she had these powers, she was going to use them.

 

“Let’s say hello to Astra,” Kara said, squaring her shoulders and stalking forward purposefully. Alex walked up next to her, letting out a slow breath. She was finally able to go toe to toe with Kara’s people. Up until now, she’d been forced to rely on weapons that wouldn't always work.

 

But not anymore.

 

Never again.

 

-

 

Once they were inside the power plant, Kara grabbed Alex’s hand for a moment. Just to reassure herself that she was really alright. Seeing Alex get hurt had always been terrifying, but now that their time was limited, every moment was even more precious.

 

“I’m fine, Kara,” Alex tried to sooth her, squeezing Kara’s fingers. “We have to worry about the mission right now.”

 

“I know,” Kara whispered, shaking her head to loosen her anxiety. “I know.”

 

Picking up their steps, Kara and Alex severed the connection of their hands. Just in time as well, since another Jirenn rounded the corner barely a second later.

 

Groaning, Kara lowered herself into a fighting stance. “Not again,” she grumbled. “We don't have time for this.”

 

“Another Jirenn inside the building,” Alex spoke quickly into her radio, before grabbing Kara’s shoulder. “I have an idea.” Her hand was warm and steady, and Kara had to fight herself not to reach up with her own to clasp her sister’s fingers. “The only thing that worked properly was the heat vision. So if we both hit it at the same time…”

 

Nodding, Kara gave into her instincts. Pulling Alex’s hand from her shoulder, she held on tightly once more. It had been years since she’d had to think about a naked Alex to get the heat vision going, but to hold on to the woman she loved really couldn't hurt at this point.

 

“On the count of three?” Kara asked, clenching her jaw in preparation.

 

The Jirenn charged.

 

“Now!” Alex shouted, her heat vision hitting the approaching alien about a millisecond before Kara's followed suit.

 

Together, they blasted the Jirenn straight through a wall, and by the time they both relaxed their eyes, the alien was down for the count.

 

“Not bad,” Kara said, enjoying the tingling around her eyes for only a second. “Are you feeling okay?” There was no telling how much Alex’s body would be able to take before it gave out on her. And Kara wasn't ready to let her go. “Any signs of fatigue?”

 

Turning to Alex, Kara ran her hands along Alex’s arms, as though she could ascertain her health through touch.

 

“If there's something wrong with me, I’ll tell you,” Alex stated firmly, her eyes clear and bright with strength. “I promise.”

 

Behind them, several D.E.O. agents ran inside the building to arrest the second Jirenn.

 

“I trust you.” Letting go of Alex’s arms, Kara turned towards the hole they’d just created. Astra was in here somewhere, and Kara had some choice words for both her and Non.

 

-

 

Alex entered the main server room first, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. Every time she used her new powers, she could see the fear in Kara’s eyes afterwards, and the sight was slowly getting to her.

 

And if she was at all honest with herself, she knew she was scared, too. Alex stared death in the face every time she went out to help Kara fight. There had been a number of occasions where she’d almost bitten the bullet before either saving herself or being rescued at the last second by someone else. But it had never felt quite like this. She’d never had a ticking time bomb strapped to herself.

 

Well…

 

Not a metaphorical one.

 

She had no idea when the power transfer would kill her, and how much she would have to suffer first. How much _Kara_ would have to suffer first.

 

That thought was scarier than the concept of death itself. The uncertainty.

 

Not knowing who would find her.

 

Which bit of energy would be the last.

 

“We were waiting for you.”

 

Astra’s voice cut roughly through Alex’s thoughts, destroying her moment of introspection. In a way, Alex was glad for it, because she didn't have time to be upset about her feelings and her physical well-being. Not when there were corrupt Kryptonians trying to steal something and disrupting National City’s power system in the process.

 

“Isn't that nice?” Alex asked sarcastically, quickly taking in her surroundings. Non and Astra were standing guard, while the unidentified Kryptonian in the blue coveralls took notes on a clipboard. Commander Gor was nowhere to be seen, which didn’t lower Alex’s level of stress one iota.

 

“I am glad to see you survived the explosion, brave one,” Astra said, sounding almost nonchalant. As though they hadn’t been the ones responsible for almost murdering Alex.

 

“I’m sure you would have been devastated if I hadn’t,” Alex replied sarcastically. Next to her, she felt the tension in Kara’s body rise; could see it in the way Kara clenched her hands and squared her shoulders just a bit more.

 

“No, but I know my niece would have been inconsolable.” Astra crossed her arms over her chest. “Now, are you going to attack us, or are we going to keep having this delightful conversation?” She looked at Kara, her expression turning soft. “It’s never too late to join us, little one.”

 

Now Kara seemed to be almost vibrating with anger, too furious to speak.

 

“I think she’ll pass,” Alex interpreted Kara’s silence, squashing her desire to reach out and rub the small of Kara’s back to soothe her. This wasn’t the moment. “It’s also not too late for you to tell us what your plans are. You know we have Tra-Gob; it’s only a matter of time before he spills his guts.”

 

Hopefully not literally. The D.E.O. had higher standards than that.

 

The mention of their incarcerated soldier finally seemed to draw a reaction from Astra. Gone was her calm and collected expression, replaced by a disgusted sneer. Alex could relate to that feeling all too well at the moment.

 

“He will never break.” Astra was clearly seething, and a vein was pulsing visibly at her temple. The sight would have been comical under any other circumstances. “I can only imagine what your disgusting little henchmen are coming up with for him as we speak, little one.”

 

Growing weary of their conversation again, Alex cracked her knuckles.

 

“Let’s get down to business already,” she said, taking on a power stance, before shooting a ray of heat vision directly at Astra, which Non easily deflected with his own. Calculating her next move, Alex looked at each hostile Kryptonian. She had a feeling the unknown man in the overalls should be one of her most important targets.

 

But before she could attack again, Astra started laughing.

 

The sound was so unexpected that it made Alex flinch and Kara furrow her brows in surprise.

 

“Oh, Kara…” Astra said, shaking her head in mock-reproach. “You turned your human bodyguard into a receptacle for your powers? I guess I overestimated how much you truly care for her. This certainly does make things more interesting, does it not?”

 

A feral grin of amusement broke out on Non’s face as well, and the sight seemed to be too much for Kara. With a cry of anger, she surged forward, her eyes glowing red with her heat vision as she tried to fight both Non and Astra at once. The man in the overalls seemed entirely unconcerned with what was going on around him, but Alex didn’t have the luxury to think about what that meant right now.

 

Instead, she sped forward just as Non pulled back his fist to greet Kara with a punch.

 

“You keep your hands off her,” Alex roared as she barreled straight into Non’s stomach, pushing both of them against and half through the wall behind Non. He seemed almost surprised at the attack, but that didn’t last for long.

 

With a sneer, he tried grabbing for her throat, but Alex slapped his hands away from her. Up until now, she’d never been able to go toe to toe with Non and his people before. But now that she could, she would unleash all the hand-to-hand combat that J’onn had ever taught her. Non may have been a soldier, but so was Alex.

 

She knew that Kara could hold her own in a fight with Astra, so all she had to focus on now was to keep Non subdued. Beat him into submission - just like she’d always wanted to do. Beat his face in with her fists for all the times he’d dared to lay his hands on her sister.

 

“You will never hurt Kara again for as long as I’m alive.” She punctuated every word with a punch to his body while he tried to defend himself, clearly aware that he needed to wait for an in to fight back; something which Alex did not feel inclined to give him. “You won’t touch a hair on her head, you hear me?”

 

Alex’s teeth were clenched tightly, and she wondered if she seemed as crazy as she felt. Half-blinded by rage and yet perfectly in control of her fighting style. J’onn had taught her well - she knew how to compartmentalize.

 

And Non was going to pay for what he’d done to her.

 

For what he was about to do to Kara by taking Alex away from her.

 

-

 

Struggling to her feet once more, Kara glared at her aunt before speeding back towards her.

 

The two of them clashed against one another in the middle of the room, the force of their impact causing several haphazardly placed desk chairs to topple over. With their hands locked together in a struggle of strength, Kara glared fiercely at Astra.

 

“You did this to Alex. I would never hurt her on purpose,” she growled, her fingers groaning under the strain of keeping her aunt at bay. “Your bomb exploded on top of us. You almost electrocuted Alex to death.”

 

Teeth bared, Astra hissed as Kara poured on the strength.

 

“Your human should keep her nose out of things that don’t concern her.” Astra’s eyes flashed red with the impending threat of her heat vision, but Kara was more than prepared to retaliate no matter what her aunt threw at her. After all, she had been training for months with various agents to bring herself to a level of fighting that could rival Astra’s; and today would be the perfect opportunity to try out her new skills. “If she tries to interfere with my goals, she shouldn’t be surprised about the consequences.”

 

Suddenly, Astra moved her leg, trying to swipe out Kara’s right from under her. Letting go of Astra’s hands, Kara flew into the air to avoid being wrestled to the floor, only for Astra to fly up after her. Knocking Kara in the stomach with her shoulder, Astra shot them forward and through the next wall.

 

With a grunt, Kara managed to land a hit, knocking Astra off her and disorienting her long enough to get the kryptonite protection pin away from her suit. Those damn things were causing the D.E.O. far too much trouble. Instead of smashing it this time, Kara stuck it into the pocket hidden on her forearm, before pushing Astra back into the main room, where a couple of agents had finally joined the scene.

 

A quick glance to the left revealed that Alex was still punching Non in the face over and over again, while the man in the overalls had long since disappeared without a trace while Kara had been busy with Astra. Cursing their bad luck, Kara wanted to focus back on the task at hand (beating her aunt), when she realized that Astra wasn’t in front of her anymore. Instead, she’d sped over to Alex and Non.

 

“Oh no,” Kara whispered, just as she watched Alex getting kicked to the side with a groan of pain, before Astra grabbed a bloody and beaten Non under his arms and ran off with him at full super speed. “Crap. Crap, crap, crap.”

 

Kara knew what she was supposed to do. She was supposed to go after Astra and catch her. Both her and Non were wounded right now. And Astra didn’t have her kryptonite pin anymore - at least for the moment.

 

But seeing Alex rising back up from the ground - holding her side in pain - trumped any sense of duty Kara might have felt for even a second.

 

In an instant, Kara was at her sister’s side.

 

“Are you okay?” Helping Alex fully to her feet, Kara flinched at the sight of blood on Alex’s fists and face. She had a feeling very little of it was Alex’s own. Behind them, Kara could clearly see some of the agents securing the perimeter, and now she did regret not going after Non and Astra. People were relying on her, and yet Kara had been failing over and over again to catch two of the most dangerous people out there.

 

With a sigh, she cupped Alex’s neck.

 

“Yeah, I’m good. Astra’s got a mean kick.” Patting her side, Alex winced a little. Clearly, her body hadn’t knit itself back together quite yet. “I got a little bit carried away with Non… I should’ve been paying closer attention to everyone else.” Alex’s hands were shaking. “The way they keep hurting you, it… it just makes me so angry.”

 

Blood be damned, Kara pulled Alex into a hug, trying her hardest not to put any pressure on her sister’s side while it continued to heal.

 

With a sigh, Alex reciprocated the hug.

 

-

 

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Kara said, tugging gently on Alex’s sleeve.

 

They were standing in the big conference room of the D.E.O.’s base, and everyone had just been dismissed after the debriefing. So far, Tra-Gob had not spoken a single word, and Kara had the feeling her aunt hadn’t been wrong about him. He likely wouldn’t break -- especially not when the only people who had interrogated him so far were human beings. Maybe he would be more receptive to Kara when she tried to talk to him.

 

Tomorrow.

 

“Come on,” she said again, pulling a little harder on the sleeve, trying not to rip it. All Kara wanted was to be alone with Alex and talk about all the things that had been left unsaid between them for so long.

 

Finally, Alex seemed to snap out of her trance, and a quick nod to Kara was her only response, before she started following her out of the room. The destruction of Lord’s power plant had been vast, but at least this time there hadn’t been an explosion. The D.E.O.’s special bomb squad had been able to dismantle the bomb quickly and efficiently. Still, the plant likely wouldn’t be running for a few weeks.

 

A look back at Alex’s face revealed that she seemed to be deep in thought, and Kara tried not to worry too much about that. She had no way of knowing what her sister’s beautiful brain was dwelling on, or if it had anything to do with the two of them. Maybe Alex was just puzzling out the best way of stopping Non and Astra the next time they all faced each other. Or maybe she was worried about how much power she’d used today, and how much further that had brought her to an early grave.

 

Shaking her head, Kara pulled Alex along a little faster.

 

The sooner they were home, the sooner they could talk.

 

Kara wasn’t about to let Alex and herself dance around this topic any longer. They’d been dishonest with one another for over a decade at this point, and Kara was sick of it. If she only had a few more weeks with Alex, she was going to spend it in her arms.

 

“Are you okay?” Alex suddenly asked, pulling her sleeve out of Kara’s grip so she could catch Kara’s hand instead. The familiar gesture was soothing, and Kara slowed her steps back down. They were almost at the D.E.O.’s showers now, and Kara knew she didn’t have to hurry. It was unlikely the universe would be so cruel as to take Alex from her after only a few days. And yet…

 

“I feel like we keep asking each other the same questions over and over again.” Turning the corner, Kara focused her attention on the door to the women’s locker room, so she didn’t have to look at Alex. Seeing her concerned face would be more than she could handle right now - and she didn’t want to start that all-important conversation until they were home.

 

“I think the situation we’re in sort of calls for it,” Alex replied, squeezing Kara’s fingers.

 

“Yeah, maybe… but it’s not exactly getting us anywhere.” With her free hand, Kara pushed open the door to the showers, suddenly feeling more fatigued than she had in a while. She’d been running on anger and determination to save Alex, but the situation was slowly getting to her. Alex had only woken up the day before, but Kara could have sworn she’d lived through several decades since then. “I just want to go home.”

 

The locker room wasn’t empty. Had the two of them been by themselves, Kara was sure that Alex would’ve given her a hug. Probably one that lasted a long time. But with the eyes and ears of their colleagues so close to them, Alex settled on squeezing Kara’s hand even tighter still. She could do that now, Kara realized. Alex could squeeze and hug her as hard as she wanted without being afraid of hurting her own fingers.

 

It was cruel, after all.

 

To give them the ability to be as close as they wanted... at such a high price.

 

-

 

They showered in silence.

 

-

 

Setting down on Kara’s balcony would have been too difficult for Alex, especially considering that she still wasn’t totally in control of her powers, so they decided to land in the alley next to Kara’s apartment building. Somehow, Alex managed not to knock over any of the trash cans as she landed, and the crack in the old pavement was barely visible in between all the other cracks that had accumulated over the years.

 

“I think I’m getting the hang of this flying thing,” she said, shaking out her shoes and shoulders and wondering if she’d ever stop feeling weird about being able to hover. And float. With what felt like using little more than her mind.

 

There was a forced sort of levity in her voice that she was sure Kara would pick up on immediately, but Alex wasn’t sure what the protocol was for this sort of situation. Earlier, she’d promised Kara that they would _talk_. About all the thing that Alex had neatly filed away over the years.

 

Even still, there was a fond smile on Kara’s lips.

 

“I’m sure you’ll master it one of these days,” she said, taking a step backwards while stretching out her hand. She clearly seemed anxious for them to finally have this conversation they’d been putting off. “Until then, you can always hold onto me.”

 

Her outstretched hand was a clear invitation, and Alex took one deep, cleansing breath, before reaching out with her own. She’d told Kara they could talk about it, but that didn’t mean she had to give up on her principles.

 

Alex was still dying, as far as they knew, and she didn’t want her sister to suffer more than she already would. If Alex admitted her feelings, and then acted on them, Kara would miss their kisses, their confessions of love; their lovemaking, possibly. She couldn’t miss what she’d never had.

 

-

 

“You want to order pizza and watch Netflix, or something?” Alex asked tentatively as she closed Kara’s front door behind herself. Having to throttle her new strength every time she touched something was beginning to get on her nerves. She couldn’t imagine Kara living with this constant strain for the last fourteen years.

 

“I kind of just want to lay in bed and talk,” Kara said, shutting down any and all of Alex’s techniques for avoiding what needed to be done. She’d already stripped off her coat and shoes, and her glasses landed on the kitchen island next, almost skidding off the other side. “I need cuddles.”

 

After nodding to herself quickly, Alex hung up her leather jacket on Kara’s coat rack, took off her shoes, and ran a nervous hand through her hair. She could do this; she could let Kara down easy -- let them both down easy.

 

She just needed to remind herself that this was for Kara.

 

Kara deserved better.

 

“I do want a snack, though,” Kara mumbled, making a little detour into the kitchen and pulling out a large bag of chips. “Do you want anything?” Even though Kara was talking to her, Alex only had eyes for the broken countertop next to her. Where Alex’s hands had crumbled the stone during their kiss the night before.

 

Alex had been far too weak then.

 

“I’m not hungry,” Alex lied, trying to ignore the way her new body urged her to binge on calories to keep up with the flying and kicking and the _heat vision_. That one seemed to burn the most energy, whenever Alex used it.

 

Kara’s look was skeptical, but she didn’t say anything. Maybe she figured she’d end up sneaking Alex chips from her own bag anyway.

 

With a shrug, Kara turned towards her bedroom, clearly expecting Alex to follow her. Considering that they were both freshly showered and they had nothing else to do, Alex grit her teeth and started walking as well. She couldn’t put this off any longer.

 

By the time Alex caught up with her, Kara was already wearing her pajamas. Her entire lower body was bundled up in blankets and the bag of chips was clutched in her hands. Clearly, she’d used super speed to get into her comfy clothing, and Alex cursed herself that she didn’t have the speed thing under control just yet.

 

Sitting down next to Kara on the bed, Alex let out a big sigh.

 

“I know we have to talk about it, but…” she started, struggling to come up with the right words, especially while Kara was staring at her. “I’ve never talked about it before. Not with anyone.” Looking down at her hands, Alex tried to stop her shoulders from slumping forward.

 

“Come here,” Kara whispered, tugging softly on Alex’s sleeve again. The bag of chips was next to the bed now, and Alex barely hesitated before she slipped into Kara’s arms, her head pillowed on her sister’s chest. She was still on top of the covers, but she didn’t care. With her eyes squeezed shut, she wrapped both arms around Kara’s body. “I love you so much.” The words made Kara’s chest rumble with sound and Alex’s ears drank them in greedily.

 

“I love you, too,” she mumbled against Kara’s collarbones, taking comfort in the way she was being held. Kara’s touch was gentle and firm all at once, and it was just what Alex needed. She barely noticed that Kara’s muscles squeezed her a little tighter than they would have before this whole thing started. Before she’d been given all of Kara’s amazing gifts. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else, Kara, but…”

 

Softly, Kara’s right hand slid up Alex’s back, before tenderly caressing her cheek.

 

“I know you think losing you will hurt me more if I know what it’s like to be with you,” Kara said, while her thumb carefully massaged Alex’s left temple. Her words made it very plain that she was done with pretending she didn’t love Alex in an entirely different way than a sister would. “But you and I both know that’s not true.” Slowly, she placed her fingers under Alex’s chin and lifted it up. “Losing you is going to break me no matter what, and I don’t want to waste the time we do have together on wondering what could have been.”

 

Alex didn’t protest when Kara leaned in to give her a kiss.

 

It was entirely different from the kiss they’d shared the evening before. There was nothing frantic about it, nothing scared or wounded. And it was the one thing that nearly drove Alex over the edge of emotional exhaustion.

 

For two days, she’d been strong. She’d been pushing the feeling of what it meant to be dying aside. For two days, she’d been holding it together for Kara, for J’onn, for herself. She hadn’t cried, she hadn’t let herself feel the loss.

 

But here, in Kara’s arms, with Kara’s lips on her own, the weight of the world seemed to be pressing down on her from all sides, nearly suffocating her. She was dying. Even if J’onn figured out a cure in a couple of days or weeks. In this very moment, Alex was dying.

 

“You deserve better than this,” Alex said as she pulled away from the kiss, squeezing her eyes shut even tighter and shaking her head. Over the years, Alex had always found an excuse for why she couldn’t simply tell Kara she was in love with her. Finally, the D.E.O. had been Alex’s last defence. The one thing she’d been forced to keep secret from Kara. And when that final lie had been revealed, and they’d both been adults who were responsible for their own happiness, Alex had been handed a death sentence. She could take a hint.

 

This time, Kara’s lips found her closed eyelids.

  
“I deserve _you_.” Her soft breathing caressed Alex’s face. “That’s the one thing you’ve never wanted to learn.” She pulled Alex’s head back to her chest, stroking her hair. “You think you’re not good enough for me, but you’re wrong, Alex. We’re good enough for each other. I want to give you everything, for as long as I have you.”

 

An unexpected sob broke free from Alex’s lips.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping roughly at her eyes and trying to extricate herself from Kara’s embrace. This definitely wasn’t how she wanted her evening to go. She still needed to be strong for Kara; she didn’t get to break down like this.

 

“I love you,” Kara said again, holding on ever more tightly. “I’m going to fix this, Alex. I promise. I’ll talk to my mom again; I’ll call Clark; I’ll go off planet and bring you back something that’s going to save you. I promise. I’m not ready to let you go.”

 

With angry tears streaming down her face, Alex snuggled harder against Kara’s chest.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said again, hoping Kara would understand how grateful she was, how much Kara’s words meant to her, and how much she wished she could fix it all herself. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know,” Kara whispered, laying a kiss on the crown of Alex’s hair. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They talked! Yay! Let's see what happens next
> 
> As always, beta-d by the beautiful Coara
> 
> and if you want to support me or talk to me, my tumblr is @goshdarnitjay ♥


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